I remember when Aa. proposed to me. I had no idea he was going to propose, but he had picked this place on top of a mountain, in Utah, and he wanted to propose to me there (I think it was called The Bear's Overlook). We tried to drive to the spot, but the road was barricaded because of winter. So, we found this side trail and took it to see what's out there, and we found the most amazing mountain valley, loaded with red rock that grew out of nothing, an eerie, breathtaking spot, quite out of this world, called The Devil's Kitchen that we had never heard of before (http://wander-world.blogspot.com/2009/12/proposal.html). It ended up being the most perfect spot for our engagement and proposal and it will always be a beautiful reminder that life is part plan, part happenstance, and part magic, and in the end perfect.
Today was my birthday. I think for the first time in a long time, I had no plans for it. I woke up quite cranky this morning and quite sad, like I usually am on my birthday, and with no plans. I wanted to make the plans as we went. We ended up with a full day and a lovely one at that.
The one thing, again, that reminded me that we're seldom in control and yet this is not all bad was how our dinner plan came to be. Or rather lack thereof.
For dinner, I did not have any special cravings and I had no place picked out. But I said “well, if I have to have one dish it would have to be trout (which is sometimes close to impossible). So, we found a restaurant downtown Carrboro that had it on the menu. Aa. said if he must have one thing it would have to be tiramisu for dessert. Well, the same restaurant that had the trout did not have the tiramisu on the dessert menu. But, because I have the most perfect husband and because it was my birthday, he said “well, we'll go, it's your birthday. You get the trout.”
As we walked in and Aa. scanned the Specials board, he pointed to the dessert special. And yep, you guessed it: it was the tiramisu.
It is a small thing. I know. It is maybe so insignificant to most of you. But it speaks volumes to me and I needed to hear this. Especially today, when I am once again, like we all are once a year, at our big crossroads.
Lately several things have off-railed for us, it seems. Some things seem out of control and dragging our lives in weird and painful directions. I have been wanting so painfully hard to be back in control. But today I was reminded: we're not. We seldom if ever are. We need to let go, and let be … and wonderful things will come and wonderful outcomes will happen. We just need to loosen those reins a little bit and leave room for the magic and the coincidence. Que sera, sera … right?!
Let's just hope I remember this next time I want so desperately to keep everything and everyone in line. Let's hope …