Sunday, January 29, 2006

Things you miss…

… when just becoming single, there are certain things you do enjoy, like the lack of commitments and such, to family and friends, the lack of having to give an explanation for your whereabouts. The money you save in outings and family birthdays… But there are certain things I miss, too; here are some of them:
- a shopping partner, at Walmart, especially
- a TV watching partner
- a movie going partner
- a weekend getaway partner
- a long, far away trip buddy
- a drink partner for after work
- a sushi partner
- an open and honest chit-chat at the end of the day
- shop talk
- an occasional lunch buddy
- a “bitching about your family” - talk partner
- I have to pop my own toes now
- hearing “ I love you” every night before I go to sleep
- weird… I didn’t say love…or the three letter “S” word! I do miss that, too, …I guess …
But I try to move along, and live every minute just for the fullness of it, and not expect much! It’s not easy. But do I miss all these? Or do I miss the person?? Tough call! Yes, I undoubtedly miss all these… Could any other person do these things? I can only hope there is at least one out there who will be able to, one day!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Going to a movie

Sometimes, I am not sure how America made it so far at this speed! Let me tell you, some families out there LIVE to just make a whole entire day out of going to a movie! Forget common courtesy, forget manners, forget being mindful about other’s space, it’s THEIR movie, and THEIR day, and THEIR ticket booth, and THEIR concession stand and so help you God, you are going to yield to their fat asses, and hold your horses while they take their sweet ol’ time!!! I am cleaning today, and cooking, and doing laundry, and cleaning cat boxes, because I have a full time job and today is my chore day, and I give myself (silly me, this is the (sslllooooooowwwwwww) South!!! ) just about 40 minutes to drive to the movie theater, and get tickets, get popcorn and sit in my chair. Well, too bad! I would have needed about an hour and a half to do it all in a timely fashion.
I drive to the theater, and of course there is a line getting into the parking lot, because every fat a$$ mama wants a close parking spot! Well, too bad, folks, it’s 4.40, it’s not 6 am, so ALL the “good” spots are taken, move along! No, they coast! And they wait for someone to get out of a parking spot… I am not sure who they’re waiting for, because it doesn’t look like anyone is even in another parked car getting ready to move ! No, they coast! Oh, I see now: they want the curb: there are no spaces left, but there is always the curb! So I wait, and wait for the fat mama to get her curb spot so I can bypass her! I drive way to fast for a parking lot, but I don’t care! I finally park, at the end of the lot, and run to the ticket window. There is a line of maybe 15 people. Kids, old people, FAT people, mostly! I stand in line and can’t help but noticing one fat kid, maybe 14, with a stud in her lower lip, leaning against the ticket window. Not buying tickets, but she’s leaning against it. People come, buy their tickets, leave, and she stands there, VISA card in her hand, waiting. Fat lady with 2 skinny little girls (what do you expect, all the food goes to the mother, so the kids are skinny, right?) buy tickets, then head towards the same door everyone that buys a ticket heads towards: they wiggle it vigorously, the push it, pull it, one of the skinny little girls kicks it. The sign on the door as big as my head: EXIT ONLY! Too many calories can get to your head, I tell ya’. Person after person after buying the tickets goes through the same ritual: tickets- exit only door- turn around- long way around the line to the right entrance door! Over and over again! You’d think they’d notice the person before them doing it , but no, they always head for the wrong door first, JUST because it’s closer to the ticket booth! Oh, American convenience!
Two people before me, great! I’ll get my tickets and still might be able to make it just in time for the previews! Yey! Well, hold on a minute, the fat girl with the stud decides she wants a ticket! OK! You’ve been leaning against the damn window for 10 minutes and now you gotta jump in??? What? It’s too hard carrying your damn weight on your back? You can’t STAND in line?? You gotta LEAN?? Geez! NO, she doesn’t want tickets, she wants to ask if they take VISA cards or debit cards. After seeing 10 people or more handing their credit cards to the window lady, you could not figure THAT one out??? And can you freakin’ read??? There is a big FAT VISA logo and a MasterCard one right above your fat hand, on the damn window! Geez, what planet have you dropped from?? “Sign here, ma’am” – the ticket lady goes. The large 14 year old looks puzzled: “ It’s a debit card”; The little lady has to sit and explain, that yes, that might be the case, but you’re using it as a credit, since we don’t have the cozy little machine that lets you punch in your stupid pin! She looks at the lady incredulous, and signs the receipt, reluctantly! Walks away, ever so slowly, to the EXIT ONLY door!
OK, so I buy my ticket and figure well, all the people are probably done buying the popcorn, and into the theater, I should be fine! Wrong! Still a ton of people buying treats! But… the good thing is: I have a choice there between several lines, so I choose the shortest, only 3 people, but after 5 minutes of no one leaving I realize there is no one but kids in that one, so until they make up their minds about popcorn or sweets, or maybe both, Pepsi or Doctor Pepper, I might as well consider my movie ended!!! So, I head toward another line, 5 people in it, but all adults! So, I figure, they’re faster… Well, guess again! Husband wants popcorn, but wife can’t agree on the size! Husband wants butter, wife doesn’t, “it’s too greasy”; husband says: “well, just a tad, honey, please?!, we’ve dieted ALL week long”… Wife rolls eyes, “all right”… She plucks the napkins from the holder one by one, careful not to break them half way, and waiting to get to the little rip before she breaks them off! FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, PEOPLE! My movie has started !!!!!!!!! I’m hoping I can see in the dark, and hope to God the previews ran a little longer! Movie has started 10 minutes ago, according to my schedule! Everyone, but I mean EVERYONE moves sooooo slowly! Like someone just woke them up from a deep slumber and put them on the streets! Stay the heck home and watch your dvd collection if you feel too slow and tired to go to the damn movies, don’t interfere with some other people that have a purpose and wanna get this rolling, dumba$$!
And yes, sure enough, after the little counter girl asks for my order 3 (THREE) damn times (small popcorn and a cup of ice, easy, right??), I finally get what I want, and head to the theater! And some prayers ARE answered, since now there is no line to get into the movie! Whoo-hoo! Walk in the dark, walk up the stairs, sit in the first aisle chair I find, and the first scene of the movie starts! Previews, and intro passed! Sh^t! I can’t even see who’s playing in it! Oh, well! I’ll watch the credits at the end! Happy Saturday to you too, people! And MOVE THE HEL^ FASTER!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Dating… again… on MySpace and otherwise…

Hhhmmm… not sure what I’m going to say about the new chapter in my life, the one of trying to date and connect again! I do hate to admit that I feel very much rusty after 4 years of dating the same person! Although I don’t feel OLD, or even TOO OLD to date, I must admit that being thrown or just throwing myself into the dating scene one more time is more than just challenging! Wow! It’s like facing a new world, new solar system, maybe?!!
So, I have opened this new account on (or as my friend Sean calls it “” – that is not a “real” site, it pulls up an adult site search engine, I checked!) and now I am being hit by all the freaks of the Universe with their weird comments, and undersexed longings, or even worse: unfulfilled teenage fantasies! So, on I met 3 people so far, I mean, “face to face”, because if you’re really into it, you “meet” people every day, if not every other hour!. Including women, offering … heterosexual affairs to … ME!
At any rate, looking at the pictures late at night, over a light beer and after a day’s work, and reading the profiles and trying to picture myself with any of these singles is… interesting to say the least! Frightening most often, and absolutely full of despair at times! I went as far as to even yahoo my ex boyfriend and demand him back! There is nothing but a zoo out there! People with weird tattoos, of shooting women, weird headlines, of “ I almost felt guilty once, but she woke up in the middle of it”, 30 year old people with Leprechaun suits showing up and competing for American Idol, and then bragging about it on, people posting someone else’s pictures so they too can look “cool”, and “sexy”, I guess, then insisting eve after meeting them face to face, that that too was their picture!… Just desperate people, lonely people, crying for help, and crying for connection! So far, to be honest, I have been WOWed by all this! But to find my next mate here is like trying to go to the zoo, or the mental hospital and trying to find the next sex partner amongst the exhibits or the patients! It’s a reality verging on illusion or insanity, rather! And these are supposedly “real” people, over 18 years of age that are truly trying to find someone to connect… This is just the opening chapter in my search for a partner and for a connection…So read on!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Not sure what…and some new things for the new year…

And another year started and another horizon has opened up. Although I should be sad and grim about losing Jeff and his whole family, I have been amazingly, scary-ly very bright, optimistic and open about this change… Not sure where all the optimism comes from, other than the freshness of an open door, which I have always grown to love…
I am teaching a Leveraging Conflict workshop at work, I am back (somewhat, money permitting) in Yoga, I am reading and looking into Real Estate classes, I am reassessing long forgotten relationships with old friends, and I feel surprisingly young… In the beginning, when I made the decision that Jeff and I were no longer an item, I was devastated that I am too old to start over… And I am not sure what happened, but overnight I became young again… Not sure what’s going to happen yet. I still have no trips planned, other than the ones to see my family, and Andy, but I am just looking forward to life and enjoying it… Jeff is still at the back of my mind (tomorrow will be hard: it would have been our fourth anniversary), but I feel somewhat free and that gives me energy. We can never feel truly free… But any amount of illusion is important… I meet interesting strangers online and that is somewhat of a novelty to me: to have honest too God communications with people you probably will never meet is quite the rush! In some ways, I think it’s easier, because there is no pre-judgment and no pre-conceived notions about the other person, so the flow is free… And there is no danger they can stalk you and kill you either…It’s a new thing I discovered, and I guess, for now… thanks to technology!
PS: and yes, I am aware that you NEVER start a story with “and”… but this is my blog, and thus free of criticism …

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!

And thus I find myself in the year of 2006, almost turning 31, and alone. Strong though. I have some strength from places I am not sure they exist. I move forward. I find the strength within me every morning, to get up, and move along, and not cry and just take life as it is. Mom and dad say I have had no luck and yet I feel blessed. I feel blessed because I am alive and I’ve known some wonderful people, and places, and since I am alive and with God’s will I am well, I can make plans to see even more wonderful places and to live longer and wiser and happier, hopefully…
I am 31 and alone, and in the most desirable and envied country in the world, and on my way of becoming her citizen, and I am healthy, all things considered, and I have my family and my cats and life is good. I have hopes and dreams and the sky is once more the limit. I am choosy about people once more, and I feel like in college when there was little I wanted or needed, and yet so much. It’s good when you have a lot to be grateful for, and yet so many plans and potential for more yet. It’s going to be a good year. I promise! It has to be! We’ll keep “in touch” and see what happens, but I will plan on just having fun and enjoying the NOW.
The motto of the day is : friends you lose are not friends you needed to keep anyways. So, be happy you lost them and move right on.