Thursday, December 14, 2006

Fleeting Thoughts

I have always thought, in a way, that I have all the answers. That life cannot take me by surprise. After all, it’s what dad taught me when I was three: “every day when you wake up, you already know what the day will bring you and you’re prepared for it! You’re firm and you don’t waver! You’re determined, and if anything, you make up others’ minds, not the other way around!” He forgot to tell me that other dads taught their sons and daughters the same things, and I would meet those folks!
My Romanian teacher used to say that I will die young (so does my doctor, but for a different reason), because I “burn like a candle, for every idea I have: right up and bright”. It does get exhausting, indeed!
I used to think I love the people of the mountains, back home, because they don’t do anything in half-measures! They party hard, and work hard; they love hard and they hate hard. Just like the Spaniards, love, death and life are perfect synonyms to them! They give it all or take it all! I used to think that that’s the only way to go through life! But now I know that life requires half measures and so-and-so-ness! Because nothing is forever! Because leftovers are sweeter!
I have learned to not believe in ever…or forever… But into a very vibrant and full “now”. I give my all to the now, I would say, and I leave for the “next” whatever is left, bruised and scarred! Just like a good fire on the hearth: the ashes are left , and God willing, they’ll turn into something the next day!
I used to think I love winter, because my skin hates the heat! With a lazy liver, you would hate the heat too! I don’t know anymore. Winter is not what it used to be! Now, I hate the wishy-washiness of it! And the laziness I feel in the thick clothes! I need to be free, and move! I need determination, too, even from the weather!
I guess what I have learned the most is nothing that’s human-made or human-related is absolute! It’s bad, because it’s annoying, and it’s good, because it leaves room for surprises! And I love surprises.
Don’t feel puzzled, if you’re confused! You’re supposed to! This is life!

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