Long time no …read , huh?! I figured it’s a new year, new beginning, new things to annoy me… So here I am back, for the fourth installment of my peeves!
As always, hope it’s worth a read…
I drive by this sign every morning. I usually don’t see much else but the road and the car in front when I drive, but this billboard is posted at a light, so every time I catch the light, there it is, I got nothing to do and I read it. Every bloody morning, I stare and wonder at the sense of it. It writes as follows: “ To avoid altered chicken, check the label”. OK! As opposed to what?! What else CAN you do, to “avoid ALTERED chicken”?! Maybe … “smell it and pass out”?! “Feeding it to your children and watching if they die”?! What kind of sane person sits in front of a pack of dead chicken parts just bought in the store and wonders helplessly : “Well, Gee, HOW do I tell how old this chicken is?”…. Mmm… yeah!
I wonder about this every time I drive up to an ATM. Every time. And I know, now you’re going to say I am boring: “EVERY time?!” Yeah, my life is really not THAT happening! So… in this wonderful country (that I adore, I might add!!!) of ours we have ATM’s in Braille! No, no… excuse me: DRIVE THROUGH ATM’s with the numbers on the pad written in Braille… Ok! Why?! Who is driving the car? The blind person? That’s who the ATM’s is for, right?! OK, so, the blind person is NOT driving the car… Hhmmm… Maybe the machine is in Braille because … the passenger is blind, and it’s for them! Well, then, if the blind person walks up to the ATM, ANY ATM for that matter… how can they “see” the commands on the screen to know what to do next? Maybe there is a secret code that they can punch in, to make the machine TALK to them, because otherwise it makes no sense to me! Otherwise, we just degrade into ridicule around here, trying to be so darn “P.C.”… And I am STILL puzzled about the drive through ones… which are typically made for the drivers… Right?!
I discovered that I would not hate telemarketers so much if they didn’t sound like robots! They will actually be pleasant (some days, too many days, they’re the only calls I get!) if they sounded like humans! Ok, you’re calling me AT HOME! That is my private, protected by law, sacred place! It’s gotta be important, dude, right?! Wrong! They’ll talk to you like you’re in a total trance, in front of the television, and they advertise something: “If you can spare just $0.50 a week, you can help 100 people wipe their own noses. And for just $0.25 a day you can wipe mine too”.- because that’s what they sound to me. I don’t listen to them, once they start that script! I block them out and all I can think of is to hang up! IF, and it’s a big IF, I decide to be nice one very rare day, I tell them I am not interested before I slam the receiver! Why can’t they just be normal and say : “Hi there, I am Jane and I want your cash. I believe this is a good cause and you should freaking do it, so, what do you say?!” You don’t have to make your asking for MY money more attractive than it already isn’t! Just ask for what you called for and let me eat my dinner, all right! If I want to listen to a recording or a commercial, I’ll strive a little and turn on the TV!
And this just in today: I go into Hallmark and the sales shark jumps at me, pointing out what the specials are! This is AFTER I said in my best English I can muster: “ I don’t need any help. I am JUST browsing”. Ok, she has to kill herself and tell me ALL about the specials. This is also after she’s been obviously working all day long to put up the shiny signs that SPELL the specials very clearly, in very big type! What, does she assume we all become illiterate once we walk into Hallmark?! Why the signs if you’re gonna spend 10 minutes reading them to me! If I WANT to read the signs, I will READ the darn signs! SO, she starts, anyways; any attempt I make to walk away, look away, seem uninterested fails miserably, and she does her sales pitch: “Christmas stuff is 50% off, and Valentine’s wrapping paper and bags for 50% off also, and candles for Valentine’s Day are 25% off and this small organizer that keeps the important dates in is only $5 if you buy 5 cards, and the Valentine’s stuffed bear is so much with 3 cards and if you scratch you’re a$$”... “Listen lady” – I wanna say – “I am SINGLE! I will have Valentine’s Day alone and got no people to buy cards for, and at the rate I am going Christmas will not need decorations around my house next year, ‘cause I am hiding in a hole rather than spending it, and I walked in here to get a knife to kill myself! You got THAT?!!! If so, where and are you running a special for it?!”. They should really post a sign outside or at the door: “If you want to talk to persistent and annoying strangers even after you tell them to buzz off and buy crap you don’t need, walk in here”!
I tell you. The world we live in. Keeps me awake and amused one day at a time.