A Family for Christmas

It's the first time in 5 years since I could be with "some" member of my family again, for Christmas ... It's surreal and I wish I could devise a plan, or a way to bottle up these moments and keep this magic going all year long, when I am alone... Every time I see my baby sister, I am amazed at how much I can love... Me, the perpetual selfish A., the never-ending self-centered, feminist bitch... - is capable of such love and such depth in my giving and forgiving and generosity and patience! Yes, even patience! Unbelievable how much goodness she can dig out of me!... She renders me breathless with love and overprotected-ness when I am around her.

This year, I am spending this wonderful time of year with her in her "grown-up" home for the first time ...
We cooked all our family holiday foods together for days on end, we bickered about who dad or mom loved best (I am sure they both loved us immensely just the same), and because she is 4 months pregnant, we fought over how a child should be raised. At the end of the day, we go to bed together, and we re-live our childhood when we shared the same bed till I was 21. We kiss each other good night and I always have a “good night” thought to give her before I hug her into her deep sleep.
It's a magical time indeed. I feel SO loved, so safe, so ... calm and peaceful. I can speak dirty, and bare my soul in front of this one person, I can be clumsy, and unguarded, and I can always guarantee you she will smile and kiss me and love me whole, the way I love her, with no restrictions... There is so much I am sure I take for granted, but THIS, this love and acceptance, I will make sure I won't ...
She's always been my “baby” sister in the true sense of that word, and every bit as helpless, quirky, unguided and just … basically, lost ... But now, pregnant, and overwhelmed by Christmas preparations, she is ten times as helpless and overwhelmed... And I am 10 times more in love with her! She is cute and ten times as small ... It's such a treat. Such a love feeling... Coming in at the most perfect time!
I have found peace and family once again and this is no small gift! I am trying to give and not to take much. I am trying to help without being in the way. I am trying to re-create "home" for both of us, away from the family we both miss, the language, the home, the “true” foods … And we both somehow managed to re-create that lost universe we left back years ago, in the black depth of Eastern Europe. We even relived memories of teachers we shared and we shared movies and books we both loved back as teens and young adults. Such a sense of togetherness and common life, such a sense ... of family and soul-mate-ness...

All we’re missing is a couple of kick-a$$ parents who drive us nuts and a small, furry Dolly cat to purr in our ear at night … But we both have big hearts and they all live in there – always … Merry Christmas, all. And rest assured: love truly lives in the hearts. No mater how many continents or years they travel, it’s always there. Untouched.

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