I
remember when Aa. proposed to me. I had no idea he was going to
propose, but he had picked this place on top of a mountain, in Utah,
and he wanted to propose to me there (I think it was called The
Bear's Overlook). We tried to drive to the spot, but the road was
barricaded because of winter. So, we found this side trail and took
it to see what's out there, and we found the most amazing mountain
valley, loaded with red rock that grew out of nothing, an eerie,
breathtaking spot, quite out of this world, called The Devil's
Kitchen that we had never heard of before
(http://wander-world.blogspot.com/2009/12/proposal.html).
It ended up being the most perfect spot for our engagement and
proposal and it will always be a beautiful reminder that life is part
plan, part happenstance, and part magic, and in the end perfect.
Today
was my birthday. I think for the first time in a long time, I had no
plans for it. I woke up quite cranky this morning and quite sad, like
I usually am on my birthday, and with no plans. I wanted to make the
plans as we went. We ended up with a full day and a lovely one at
that.
The
one thing, again, that reminded me that we're seldom in control and
yet this is not all bad was how our dinner plan came to be. Or rather
lack thereof.
For
dinner, I did not have any special cravings and I had no place picked
out. But I said “well, if I have to have one dish it would have to
be trout (which is sometimes close to impossible). So, we found a
restaurant downtown Carrboro that had it on the menu. Aa. said if he
must have one thing it would have to be tiramisu for dessert. Well,
the same restaurant that had the trout did not have the tiramisu on
the dessert menu. But, because I have the most perfect husband and
because it was my birthday, he said “well, we'll go, it's your
birthday. You get the trout.”
As we walked in and Aa. scanned the Specials board, he pointed to the dessert special. And yep, you guessed it: it was the tiramisu.
It
is a small thing. I know. It is maybe so insignificant to most of
you. But it speaks volumes to me and I needed to hear this.
Especially today, when I am once again, like we all are once a year,
at our big crossroads.
Lately
several things have off-railed for us, it seems. Some things seem out
of control and dragging our lives in weird and painful directions. I
have been wanting so painfully hard to be back in control. But today
I was reminded: we're not. We seldom if ever are. We need to let go,
and let be … and wonderful things will come and wonderful outcomes
will happen. We just need to loosen those reins a little bit and
leave room for the magic and the coincidence. Que sera, sera …
right?!
Let's
just hope I remember this next time I want so desperately to keep
everything and everyone in line. Let's hope …
