Life

Note: this is long past due…

I have been overwhelmed with joy and life-stricken , ever since I heard the news that my baby sister is pregnant! I have not mentioned anything because, like everyone else, I am superstitious… And they have to make it to the second, third trimester before we can talk openly about “this”… It’s the rule of Today… But I have felt exhilarated and so outrageously happy ever since I heard the news… I just could not scream it out loud…
I am now…
Every piece of news, every photo that she sends me of a new ultrasound, everything… just gives me tickles and “warm fuzzies” (thank you, Ms. T!!) inside…
This is another life in our family, just now being conceived. Another entity… another being… He will come from two very strong personalities, and even stronger genes . He will come with his own schedule, and way of cooking the potatoes, and way he likes his eggs. Cats or dogs? Vanilla or chocolate? Will he be afraid of heights like his dad, or a daredevil like his mom? Thick lips or thin?
He is a personality now (you can tell by the way he blinks fast and the way he frowns in the movies), as I see the pictures and I can make out his habits already and his features. Amazing what they can do with pictures before the baby’s born nowadays …
I feel like he is part of me, although, of course he is not – just because he’s part of my baby sis! She and I have been for years now One. We have shared more than soul mates, mothers-and-daughters and more than twins share. I have loved her as my own ever since I can remember… And now, she’s the bearer of this wonderful gift of life…
I read sometimes about rivalry amongst sisters, that she got pregnant and I am not even dating anyone … But these feelings/ attitude are strange to me. I feel just one with her, just witness at this miracle called life. THIS is not a competition. This is her gift to herself and to the world and to our families, and I am just glad to be witness to it.
I can never, ever, ever, get the rivalry thing figured out. I stopped competing with her when I was probably in first grade. I have always known that she will be the “mother” of the two of us, and I will be the “helper”, the watchful servant of her. I am the Godmother, of this first wonderful miracle and that is … just such an honor! I am breathless!
I would like to hug them, she and baby, every day, at the end of the day, and tell them “I Love You”, every second! I would love to have to almighty power to protect them from any harm!
I have got to be feeling the same love, happiness and fulfillment that the tree in the spring feels when it nourishes new branches full of blooms! I am speechless, breathless and ecstatic!
Every picture I see, every 3D movie, every … image … makes me want to scream with the joy of happiness and hope. No envy, no jealousy whatsoever. Just joy of being a witness! And privilege of being so close.
There IS life, after all… and it shall perpetuate. And even if some of us came barren, or sick, or unwilling, or…otherwise … we CAN still see the miracle of life blooming in our bloodstream!
It’s so beautiful. And so sacred. And I wish she were closer. And him too!
His first pictures in the womb lead me to believe he looks like his dad… Now, I am more inclined to say he takes after her … but until I see him “out”… I remain breathless. And happy.