No More Birthday Blogs

Since 2008, on and off, and in the past more recent years, mostly on than off, I have been writing a birthday blog for people in my family. It’s a chance for me to look back at the kind of year they all have had, and to appreciate, in a more public way, all the blessings they bring to my life. 

It’s  a chance to sing their praises and hopefully outline the special-ness of each one of them. But it was mostly meant, selfishly, to give them a gift that is so hard to give on their exact birthdays, given that we are all so spread around the entire world on two continents. 

It’s not because I love them less. It’s not because I feel they are physically any closer to me than they ever were since 2008’ish when I started doing this, but starting this year, I am retiring my birthday blogs. I think the topic has run its course, for some reason. 

My sister said “Well, there is only so much you can say about one person, right?”. And it’s not even that. I will never run out of things to say about her klutz-iness, or my nephew’s obsession with money, or my other nephew’s love of kitties and puppies and all creatures, or my husband’s love of squirrels, for example ... But, at the very least for the sake of diversification, I felt like this would be the time to change course in what I give and to make future presents just as memorable ... Call it a “milestone kind of a year” change of course, if you will. 

This is by no means a hard line in the sand. Birthday blogs might make an appearance in the future. But it’s no longer a tradition that I want to follow here, anymore. 

I have always loved to give presents. I enjoy that infinitely more than I enjoy receiving them. And with that in mind, I am constantly revising how and what I give as presents. Starting with a couple of years ago, I have been putting much more thought into gifting experiences more than just things (thanks to a dear friend who reminded me of that).

Just like the birthday blog was not a material thing per se, I am giving away time together, or things that can be experienced with others, like concert tickets or trips ... I find that much more rewarding to myself as the giver, and I find that my family smiles more and enjoys them more, too. When looking back and remembering the memories, they are the gift that perpetually will keep on giving, every time we recount it. 

You might ask “why is a present needed at all?”. But the answer to that is easy: dad always told us to take the time and celebrate special moments in special ways. He took it a bit too far (he would throw a 5-course dinner party for 20+ people every time he bought something new like a car, a fridge or when he got a new job), but he always dressed up for the occasion, stopped, and celebrated a milestone - birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, saints’ feasts (or name days), you name it. I happen to share his view on this. A present, to me, is part of that celebration. 

I hope the new gift-giving will be just as welcome, surprising, and well-awaited as the former birthday blogs were ... 

With that in mind, I wish everyone in my family, happy birthdays ahead, for many, many healthy years to come! And may we all enjoy every special moment together, as much as we enjoy making arrangements to do so ...

Thank you for the memories, old, and the ones I am anxiously awaiting to make together in the years to come ...

No, You Are Not Welcome, 2024!

I have always hated leap years! With a passion ... 

They roll in like an unruly teenager, full of pluck and insolence, trashing your house, your car, and emptying out your bank account before they take off into the sunset never to be found with your whole life in shambles behind!  There is no reasoning with them and nothing to do but step aside, let the damage unfold and hope it passes. Because you know, we are told that everything has an ending. Even the tragedies ... 

2024 was much like all the other leap years that have passed over me. Maybe it’s because it’s the most recent, but this one really left a mark! I feel exhausted and totally uninterested in what is next, if you can believe it ... Me, the nosiest, most curious person you know - couldn't care less about what comes next! Because this year has taught me: “don’t ever ask: what else?!” - because to you that’s a rhetorical question, but to life, that’s a challenge! 

This has been a year spent under the watchful eye of the cardinals, announcer of bad news but promise holders of happy endings, too. They greeted us every morning in our back yard and bid us 'good night' almost every evening.
At one point, a whole Vatican of cardinals flew over our heads during one of our walks, and then we knew we were going to be in for an interesting one ... 

In a (large) nutshell, this is about as well as I’d summarize this year (and you’d need a long drink if you dare be here for the whole thing): 

In January, mom collapsed alone, in our home in Romania, and was in a coma for some number of days ... We had family and friends gather around her to care for her around the clock after that. The ER doctor wrote to us that she can never be left alone for the remainder of her days.  

In February, mom collapsed to her second coma, this time with a very severe case of sepsis. Her doctor urged us to come back to Romania, because she was not sure she would come out of it. But mom is like a cat with about 10,000 lives so she did come out of it. Damaged, and weak, never to be herself again, but she survived it. 

March gutted me! It asked me to make the hardest decision I have made in my entire 49 years of life. It was time to find a place for mom. Even if the family lived with her, we were urged that her mental state and her health is too precarious to be at home. 

You know those idyllic commercials for “A place for mom”? They are all a bogus bunch of nonsense! No place, no matter how polished and advertised in slow motion with plenty of light and smiles is ever as good, as loving, as safe as you would want it to be for those you love. It was like someone was pulling my heart out of my chest with no anesthesia and promising me this is for the best reasons and it’ll be good! I didn’t see it. I never saw it. And for me to make this decision the week of Mother’s Day, it was just cruel! I kept asking why? What have I done? Who have I wronged to be asked to make this decision for the woman who gave her all to have me ...?

As my personal life was in this much turmoil, the world was stewing with bad news, as well. March was the month that reinstated Putin (after a rigged election) as the president of Russia - all while the world shuddered, and all but a feeble reminder of what we’re headed towards! 

In April, I tried really hard to start some semblance of a healing process ... I came back home after the hardest, most cruel month in Romania and I looked for ways to lick my wounds and heal ... We went up North to be with my sister for my birthday. Watching the total solar eclipse together put some things into perspective: when something makes you feel that small, you realize your woes are only infinitesimal on the firmament of life and the universe ... Aa. and I then headed South, to Florida, to learn more about how to advocate for Homozygous FH - the genetic disease that both my parents so generously gave to me and my sister ... I learned of new ways to help the world live with this sometimes invisible and cruel disease. You know what a smart man once said: when everything falls apart around you, look for the helpers ... I try to do that: be a helper to whomever might need me ... 

The solar eclipse on April 8, 2024 - Montreal, QC

May continued with this year’s streak of pain: mom was rushed into the ER for the third or maybe fourth time this year (in five months!). This time with pleurisy. This on top of her lung cancer and COPD, of course ... May was a touch-and-go month for her - several visits to the hospital for lung fluid punctures, a tooth infection and more complications ... The little bit of diversion we had here (a trip to the mountains on Memorial Day weekend) was always accompanied by long all-night calls with Romania to coordinate mom’s care and with my sister who was there for Easter, trying to be there for her in spirit while she handled mom on the ground through the ups and downs... 

The world continued to boil over, as the prime minister of Slovakia was assassinated in May. Trump is formally convicted of a crime the same month - the first former president to do so. In May, we also lost the Greensboro News and Record’s building, the place where Aa. and I met in 2007 - as it was torn down by bulldozers in Greensboro, NC. There is nothing that reminds you how transitory we all are more than watching something once standing proud as a beacon of truth turn to rubble. 

June was another touch and go month for mom. She went to the hospital for a week to undergo a procedure for her lungs that would hopefully prevent her from ever building up fluid again. We spoke every day, as we normally do ... and she begged us daily to take her out of the hospital - but it was not possible ... A few weeks after being released she had to be rushed into ER again because her operation stitches had become infected. How’s that for adding insult to injury?! With every painful breath she takes, I feel a pang of pain in my side. But I must keep going. For me, for my family, for her. 

July seemed that we were well enough to try to sneak in a bit of a bright spot, as we took some time for ourselves: we flew to Chicago (my first time) and then we visited with Aa.’s mom for July 4th in Michigan . But then, shortly after we came home, while we were at a baseball game in Greensboro, NC, then former president Trump is shot in the head, in an assassination attempt in Pennsylvania. About 5 days after that the world is back to normal, with the story barely in the headlines anymore. Whatever your stance on the matter or the person shot here, what kind of a world do we live in where an assassination attempt is just normal?! The whole event made me feel dirty for being human, really! 

The timeless Chicago and its "Bean"

President Biden announces he is stepping down from the race to the White House in the fall and is making room for Kamala Harris to replace him. This is also in July, 4 months before the elections. I don’t think this country has ever been more divided and thrown into confusion before as it is now - but of course I was not here for The Civil War and for the 60’s ... It’s like: just when you thought you got your balance this year, here’s another punch in the gut! 

And even worse news came from people much closer to my heart: my best friend’s mom dies at 70 from complications of lung disease. The streak of sadness would not let up this year, I figured, by this point ... But I stopped counting a long time before then ...

August came roaring with another piece of bad news from home: my only aunt also moved into an assisted living home after making the decision that she can no longer care for herself either ... On the backdrop of my family just falling apart this year, I didn’t want to be anywhere for my sister’s birthday in August but with her. So, we surprised her with the only surprise I have been known to successfully accomplish in my life when we showed up at a restaurant in Boston for her birthday dinner ... Everyone that knows me knows that 1. I hate surprises and 2. I am just about the most predictable person you’ll ever meet. For me to pull this one off successfully was an accomplishment of a lifetime. But we needed each other, my sister and I ... She gave me some much needed strength for my April birthday when I got to go up there and spend it with her, that I just wanted to give her that gift in return. I hope she felt the same as I did in April ... 

The JFK Library in Boston, MA

September was another bleak month. One of my sister’s best friends from work passes incredibly young with two small children after a short and cruel battle with cancer. My former philosophy teacher dies in his 70’s from many complications from a stroke he had over a year before. My aunt is sent to the ER from the assisted living facility with respiratory block caused by her heart condition. 

On this backdrop, I fly to Romania to spend mom’s 71st birthday with her. Her birthday was a bright spot during that trip, as she got to come out of the place she is in and have lunch at her favorite restaurant. As I was trying to leave my home town, at night, the Tarom (Romanian airline) could not find my ticket for the flight out of there. I was livid. Their own app showed the confirmed ticket, the app where I bought the ticket showed it, too, but the check-in agent said a passenger by my name does not exist on his flight and the flight was full so they could not just give me a seat. Huge scare, but averted because they had ONE person NOT show up so after check-in was closed, they snuck me in at the insistence of my uncle who is a retired Tarom official. Glad that the universal “knowing people in the right places” still works sometimes. Also in September, Trump manages to survive another assassination plot - this time averted with no shots fired. September also brings unprecedented weather to North Carolina, too, and absolutely trashes the West (yes, not the ocean-front East) part of the state, the mountains, after the passing of Hurricane Helene. 

And just because pain gets lonely and needs injury for companionship, I test positive for Covid in October. Yes, folks, this is still something real and this is still going around! North Korea ships 10,000 troops to fight in the Russia war in Ukraine, while the US lifts all restrictions on how the Ukrainians can use the arms and ammunition that they bought from America. I am not even brave enough to imagine what kind of world we would wake up to the following morning - every morning ... This feels like the ultimate straw. Except it is not ... 

On a personal level, I meet with a new vascular surgeon for an update on my abdominal aorta and he pretty much waves me off that I am OK, when the CT scan he ordered and never reads shows the status of my aortic stenoses is worsening. I am used to medical doors slamming in my face, but it’s especially hurtful when you know the situation is worse ... The fight continues, I can tell you that much! 

We all know what November brought at a national and even international level ... It brought a new (old) president to the US for the next four years. Everyone I know is mad or sad about this - regardless of what side of the fence they both stubbornly hug! Some people are mad at the result, some people are mad at the loss of identity of one party, some people are mad because they lost friends and even broken up families in the process. The vitriol and hatred continues to boil as the world seems to  continue to not figure this out at all, but instead, to dig us all into a deeper grave. 

My mom’s last living aunt was hospitalized (she is 86) with a ruptured large intestine in November, as well,  and has been very slowly healing with several complications for over a month now. She is now bed-ridden and without a clear future yet. 

To get away from it all, Aa. and I decide to take a bucket-list trip to follow the sites of the Twin Peaks series in the Pacific Northwest. It was a trip much like a Lynch movie: part mystery, part dream, and all real ... I need a whole book to document this as one paragraph would not do it justice. 

My happy place: Kiana Lodge in Washington State - filming location for Twin Peaks

The pay-back for having a breather came when we got back, when we had a small cancer scare that ended up being benign right here, in our home ... But sigh of relief on this one for now! Then, also in November, the same out-of-control political nightmare that threw America into chaos earlier in the month repeated the feat in the Romanian elections. Foreign interference, social media manipulation, and all other means of political corruption thwarted an otherwise free election to cause it to be canceled by the Constitutional Court - an unprecedented event in Romanian history. But this is how leap years roll, I tell ya! Remember 2020?! 

December rolled in with a bang. Quite literally, when the CEO of UnitedHealthcare was assassinated in New York. It feels some days like this country sees only two solutions for every problem anymore: a lawyer, or a gun. Nothing besides or in-between. 

Aa.’s closest friend’s wife spent most of this month in the hospital between this world and the next one (including during her birthday), and another one of my best friends broke her leg in New York at the end of November. This left both these women out of commission at this time of the year - either in bed or in a wheelchair ... Pain and sickness is emotionally contagious, so we cry and mourn and suffer with those we love, here and far ... And always, always feel helpless. 

All of late fall, early winter has been peppered with more international instability and bad news: from the war in Israel that’s spilling into several other Middle Eastern countries, to the fall of the Assad regime in Syria, to the second collapse of the French government and the turmoil of Canada, and of course, through the long, bloody, and painful war in Ukraine which is next door to my other “home” - miles from my home town in fact ... it feels like this Titanic is flooded and going down fast ... 

And now, as I write this, I am getting ready for my third trip this year to Romania to be with mom, my aunt, and briefly with my sister and nephews for a few days ... I am even scared to put that foot down outside my front door and start this journey, but life has always taught me that hiding is how evil wins! So onward is the only way ... 

This was the least productive year for me, literary-wise ... I felt no desire to write, no reason to do it, it all seemed useless and futile. I also probably read the least, because I cannot focus enough to go through a book. Not really ... 

There have been some (not many, but a couple or five) bright spots this year that made the going easier, at times - and for that I am so grateful, of course ... 

Despite the sadness and the back-paddling, besides the aging and the sense of loss, this is also the year when we saw Bob Dylan and Alanis Morrisette. The year that I followed in the footsteps of David Lynch, one of my brilliant guiding minds. As technology and science are still advancing, this was a year of partaking more of their new offerings for a better, more efficient life; the year when I finally found a more stable (albeit painfully expensive) cure for my HoFH (the only thing that ever truly worked for me - a new once a month infusion called Evkeeza thanks to medical discoveries). I am grateful that the world still innovates despite all the calls to the contrary. Or maybe it does because of it ... 

It was the year I saw a full, total solar eclipse, the Aurora Borealis and a comet - all in the span for 3-4 months. The year I saw the most architecturally beautiful city that I have ever seen (Chicago) and the year I met up with a long-lost friend from way back in high school that happens to live in the Pacific Northwest. Through some kind of a blessing, he and his wife were available to meet us on our Twin Peaks tour. I don’t like surprises, but this was one of my favorites, to be sure.

Above the clouds: Mount Rainier, WA - challenging us to always reach higher

Unrelated to the leap year, as I get older, I am finding out with every year that I have fewer and fewer friends ... Especially in times like these, where you feel like you’re barely hovering over the abyss, I have felt most of my “friends” drift away. I am sure everyone is busy handling their own tragedies, perhaps, so I am not too bitter about that. But it does get quieter and quieter in the friends zone for us ... I have no judgement to add. It’s an observation, and nothing besides. 

The people we did get to see and spend time with this year, whether in good times or bad, were God-sends. They made the journey more manageable by sharing the load. For that I am forever grateful. Even those we cared for in sickness and even those who had sadness of their own were a welcome balm, to be able to share their sorrow as much as they shared ours ... To them all, I owe the lessons I have learned and the energy that I have to keep going ...

Everything does have an ending and so will this wretched year. Good or bad, much more sad and painful than light and joyful for sure, it is part of my life. Like any link in the chain - the whole life would not make sense without it in it. I am changed. I am morphed into whoever this new person is now. I feel in my body like I am still 10, but in my heart and my mind, I feel 120. Don’t even dare look in the mirror ... Most days I am scared of what stares back at me - this scared mouse, afraid for her and her loved ones’ life, with only a glimmer of what used to be hope in her eyes. I am not too convinced the actual hope is indeed still there most days ... 

But ... at the end ... we don’t want evil and sadness and death to win. At the end, as long as there is breath, we move on ... At the end - always remember: tragedies are not endless ...

Now for the next year, the only promise I am making is this: I will work the hardest and the most diligently that I have ever worked to see that there is a next year and a next 50, even. 

Happy new one, all! I hope we all meet again after the threshold - braver, stronger, and readier ... 

(Photo from the Londolozi reserve - South Africa)

A Birthday for the Books

We are broken and stranded today.

We are lonely and drifting aimlessly in a sea of doubt. 

We sleepwalk through every challenging day like ghosts or mummies, stiff and gloomy. 

It's nice out - way too nice for a February day: snowdrops are on sale on every street in this old Moldovan town, people are wearing their thick coats wide open, or on their arms ... There is a smell of spring in the air, of new life, of new hope, but our heads down in our problems, we barely notice ... 

I have no presents. I have no card. I have no food nor plan for where it might come from on your special day ... 

My heart cries because you deserve so much more. You deserve everything. You deserve the world and the moon and the stars, all the kittens and puppies of the world, all in one neat package, tied with a green bow. Like your favorite color, like the Montana pines, like your eyes ... 

We are hurt. And we are drifting. We are lost, truly. Far from home and with no definite map of where to next ... 

But most than anything, more than any of all the material things we are not, we are together. We are drifting, but we are drifting together … I can reach out across the bed, across the table, across the pavement when we walk the streets and feel you there. And my world is whole again. My dark hours light up like the skies during a Northern Lights exposure. Amazing, beautiful, hopeful. I hear your voice first thing in the morning and I know I can tackle it all. I see you smile at our kitten's picture and I know you're the one. 

There are no words in any amount of dictionaries that can explain how much I love you and how much I worship the day you were born. February has brought me and us a lot of tragedy, a lot of pain, but all is forgiven because it has also brought you. 

I am not even sure if I would be here today without you, without your care and your unwavering love, but if I were, I would be even more lost and more dark and more desperate than I am now ... 

I know this is not a happy birthday - not in the wholesome sense of this word - but I wish you a birthday where you know how happy you make me and others by just being in the world. My family, your mom, your friends love you and are ever grateful for putting color in their lives and smiles on their faces. And me - you build me up; you hold me; you heal me when I am cracked; you catch me when I fall. You are everything, Mr. Aa. And I can only hope I can be an iota of all that for you... 

Try to enjoy today and let's make it amazing the first time we get a chance for a do-over, hopefully soon. I love you! 

Happy February 27th! 

When I picture us the happiest, I picture us like this.

From Many Moons Ago

I remember that evening and later the night like it was yesterday ... The details that I might not be remembering I’ll make up and they might still fit ... I remember the air, the night, the pretend story, the party afterwards, dancing till almost dawn, our youth ... 

It was a warm summer evening in Costinești, Romania, on the Black Sea coast - the kind of summer evening where the air sticks to your skin like honey. In our rental house, we finished getting dressed, our skins hurting from too much sun (or at least mine was),  and then wandered off onto the streets in search of some entertainment for the night. It was you, me, my sister, your brother, and some other friends ... 

Our rental place was a crammed room in a house inland. All the fun stuff was on the beach, about a 20 minute walk or so. This was back in the day when we didn’t mind walking for 20 minutes ... 

It was 1996, I believe, or maybe another year later than that?! At any rate, you and my sister were teenagers. I was in college, but an old soul myself - maybe too old for my own good (wasn’t I ever?). I was the college student, older sister who mocked everything you young'uns were up to with an air of superiority (I know, some things never change, eh?). 

We eventually reached the beach, with its promenade area, where all the tourists were strolling, eating summer street treats (kebabs, ice-cream, fresh waffles), people-watching and flirting ... Costinești was a young people’s town, so I don’t remember many families with kids or older married people. I remember many dance clubs, most of them outdoors, lots of bars and restaurant patios. It was a teenage and young adult heaven and we, I suppose, fit right in ... 

We started walking from the house at dusk, but by the time we made it to the promenade, it was full-blown dark ... 

In the midst of the promenade area, somewhere at the edge of the beach, with its back towards the water, there was this two or three-wall  shack advertising to be a “Registry office” where lovers, couples, or even people who had just met could “get (mock) married”. The officiant would help you read your vows, they would pronounce you husband and wife and even give you a glass of champagne and a marriage certificate. You were 17. My sister was maybe 18. You both had just started dating that year (if indeed the year was 1996) ... 

And you both wanted to “get married”. I was mortified! I was thinking of all sorts of bad omen signs that this might bring. What if you’re tempting fate? What if you’re never going to get (really) married when the time might come in your future? What if something would happen to one of you and at least one of you won’t make it till the “real” time when you should get married, in “real” life? I cannot remember what I said but I do remember that in my mind, I was definitely not on board with this ... 

However, one thing I do remember that I thought right away: I knew right then and there that you loved my sister. I knew that if a kid of 17 can sign up, even in jest, even pretense-fully for such a commitment, that if a kid of 17 does not think that marriage might make him un-cool to his friends and little brother ... I knew the only explanation was that this was really, truly love ... And right then and there I knew, you were there in our lives to stay and care for my sister ... And I knew she loved you back. Totally, unconditionally and unreservedly ... And I was grateful for you two finding each other ... 

Happy birthday, friend, brother, and father to my only nephews! Thanks for always keeping your commitment to my sister - even from way back when it was just a child’s play to the rest of the world ... 

Congratulations! Or "casa de piatra"!

“Respectati-va si veti fi fericiti!”

Eu nu stiu altii cum sunt, dar eu nu ma gandeam daca vom ajunge vreodata la aniversarea de 50 de ani in ziua cand m-am casatorit ... Nu ma gadeam mai departe de urmatoarele 2-3 ore ... Ma gandeam: oare am platit pe toti cei implicati in logistica nuntii? Restaurantul? Cei cu tortul? Oficianta de casatorie? Oare am comandat destula mancare pentru invitati? Oare invitatii vor gasi sala de nunta si se vor simti bine? Desi aveam doar 13 invitati, aveam emotii ... 

Nu am avut nici emotii ca pasul pe care il faceam nu era potrivit ... Nu ma intrebam oare cat vom dainui in casatorie? Un an? Doi? Zece? Doua zeci?! Nu imi puneam asa probleme ... Stiam ca e cea mai buna decizie pe care o luasem vreodata si in rest ... imi vedeam de ale zilei si savuram momentul. 

Ma intreb oare ce credeau parintii mei acum 50 de ani, in ziua nuntii lor?! Oare aveau emotii? Erau fericiti? Erau siguri ca si-au gasit sufletul pereche care le va fi calauza si prieten cel mai bun din acea zi inainte? Aveau dubii? Se iubeau?! Nu stiu - pentru ca nu eram de fata ... Dar cunoscandu-i mai apoi, si acum, stiindu-le intreaga casnicie, pot sa imi imaginez ca era probabil cea mai fericita zi din viata lor de pana atunci! 

Erau doi copii. Capul plin de vise si sperante. Inima plina de amor si fericire ... Ce vremuri?!

Daca ii cunoasteti pe parintii mei, nu cred ca exista prea mare dubiu ca s-au iubit. Enorm ... Faceu totul impreuna si luau mereu decizii impreuna ... Erau nedespariti in fiecare clipa a fiecarei zile ... Chiar daca nu mereu impreuna fizic, erau impreuna in spirit si in gand ... Isi completau propozitiile ... 

Cand eram prin gimnaziu, jucam un joc cu ei - stateau in camere separate si mergem la unul si il intrebam ce gandeste celalalt. Apoi mergeam la celalalt si il intrebam la ce se gandeste si de fiecare data confirma exact ceea ce ghicise primul din ei ... Niciodata nu am inteles cum reuseau sa iti ghiceasca gandurile, dar acestia au fost parintii mei. Mereu indragostiti ...

Astazi, la 50 de ani de la ziua unirii lor in dragoste, tata nu mai este aici pe pamant. Dar sunt ferm convinsa ca este langa mama in spirit si ca vegheaza asupra ei in fiecare minut. Sunt convinsa ca nu ne-a parasit decat fizic. Sufletul lui ne va urma in fiecare clipa, in eternitate! 

La nunta mea am avut un tablou cu o rama alba pe care invitatii au scris cate un gand pentru inceputul nostru de viata impreuna ... Tata a scris: “Respectati-va si veti fi fericiti Baby si Anisoara” Putini stiu ca aceasta era credinta lui de neclintit - ne spunea adesea ca dragostea dureaza 2 minute, dar respectul nu se stinge niciodata ... 

Astazi, la ziua lor aniversara, imi doresc sa fi stiut ce au simtit acum 50 de ani. Isi propuneau oare sa ajunga la 50 de ani? Probabil ca nu ... 

La fel de mult imi doresc sa fi stiut cum ar fi petrecut ziua de azi, daca ar mai fi fost inca impreuna ... Sigur tata ar fi organizat o petrecere frumoasa, i-ar fi cumparat mamei flori si probabil o bijuterie (cu siguranta un inel), si impreuna si-ar fi amintit de realizarile de peste ani. Ar fi mers probabil la biserica pentru nunta de aur ... 

Din pacate, viata are alte planuri si de contra noi nu ne putem pune, pentru ca e deseori mai puternica decat dorintele noastre ... Astazi, nu se poate sa ii avem alaturi pe amandoi si sa ii pretuim, fizic, asa cum ar merita-o, pentru o dragoste si o viata bogata si demna de respect, impreuna ... 

O facem insa din tot sulfetul, sprijinind-o pe mama cum putem, de unde putem, cu dor, cu drag, cu dragoste multa, cu lacrimi in ochi, si cu imbratisari calde, de oriunde ne-am afla ... 

Odihna lina tatei!

Mama, o zi senina, in care sa te bucuri de fericirea pe care ati cunoscut-o impreuna si sa plangi mai putin pentru dorul pe care cu siguranta il simti dureros ... Ati cladit o viata frumoasa, o generatie de copii frumosi si impliniti - bucura-te pentru realizarile facute impreuna si pentru fericirea care a fost ... 

Noi iti multumim, asa cum ii multumim si tatei, pentru tot ce ne-ati dat si pentru ceea ce suntem astazi. Nu ar fi fost nimic posibil fara voi si fara dragostea si respectul vostru reciproc ... 

Va iubim si te iubim si suntem mereu langa tine. Acum si in fiecare clipa. Mereu. 

 

2023. A Retrospective

Another crazy and crooked, and hard and funny, and light and heavy, and ... in the end, beautiful year! 

The year took off like a space rocket which we saw from Wrightsville Beach, NC in January - Space X’s Falcon 9 ...

Space X launched the Falcon 9 from Cape Canaveral, FL. But here we captured the launch something like 600 miles North, in Wrightsville Beach, NC

Then there was re-discovering The West (after a 4 year absence) - walking and the driving among cactus plants taller than five-story buildings in Arizona ...

Cactus in Saguaro National Park - Tucson, AZ

I picked up a new hobby - the study of Frank Lloyd Wright’s homes - and kicked off this new obsession by visiting his Taliesin West in Arizona and the Westcott House in Ohio ...

Frank Lloyd's Wright Taliesin West - Scottsdale, AZ

I made my search for National Parks an official hobby too - and we visited three new ones for us: Saguaro (AZ), Indiana Dunes (IN), and Jean Lafitte (LA). Rediscovered the healing power of nature and its untouched beauty. 

I saw armadillos for the first time ever and an owl up-close in the wild as well. 

Armadillo outside the Jean Lafitte National Historical Park - Marrero, LA

From a boat on the Mississippi Delta, in Jean Lafitte National Historical Park - Marrero, LA

We walked the streets of my hometown of Iasi and visited museums we had not seen together before. One would think that no stone is left unturned in your hometown, but we found evidence to the contrary ... 

Street bench in the University District of Iasi - Romania

We went to New Orleans together for the first time, too - got lost in this noisy, smelly, but beautiful old city. A city ever in search of the next thrill, ever aware of its originality and charm.

Amazing "fish wings" at GW Fins, in New Orleans

It was the year of the long road trips - North Carolina to Michigan and then, later, to Louisiana. Long? Yes, but worth it in the end, to cover and see as much of this land as possible. 

We met with family in and from at least three corners of the world. We spent July 4th with my mother-in-law in Michigan and I learned to play pick-up sticks. We celebrated mom’s 70th birthday - so grateful for this milestone and that we were all able to be together for it. We hosted my nephews for a week in North Carolina and cracked up at their funny mouths and originality while experiencing some of their firsts - simple things like lunch at Chick fil-A, their first baseball game, and introducing them to a new artform - the musical (Wicked). 

The Wicked stage in Durham, NC

We got lost in the Smoky Mountains in search of waterfalls right as the summer was slowly creeping in on Memorial Day ... We found hidden-gem wineries and small mountain towns - Bryson City, Sylva and Beech Mountain, too.

View from Deep Creek Winery - Bryson City, NC

Food was new and good to us this year too: we savored award-winning chili at the River’s End Restaurant on the Nantahala River and discovered delicious fish “wings” in New Orleans. 

Bridge over the Nantahala River. River's End Restaurant in the background.

We had cancer scares and health setbacks. We had health successes too. Through home and body repairs, everything and we aged by yet another year ... Everything has an age ...

We supported each other and family and friends in the loss of loved ones or of pets, or in other losses and difficult times, whether there were big or small accidents or misbehaving kids ... 

We continued to watch the world come apart at the seams with sickness, with war, and so much loss that it’s painful to open the news every day anymore ... We pray and we hope for a better tomorrow for all of us. We pray that the lessons that history has taught us are not yet lost on the human race ... We continue to hope there is still some good out there, and try to not think too much and too hard of what might be coming next if the world is not waking up! 

We continued to cross things off of our bucket list like visiting the Dali museum in St. Petersburg, FL or taking our first cooking classes together ... 

Entrance to the Dali Museum - St. Petersburg, FL

During the whole time, we missed dad ... Painfully, dreadfully, and unavoidably ... Everything I did reminded me of him - the stories about the food that I could not share with him, my orchids blooming twice, not once, this year, mom’s birthday party that he did not get to organize ... We lost his dog, his car, and gave away his clothes ... With each gesture, we lost him a little bit more ... It was a brand-new year of learning how to move on, how to keep going without him in the light ... This year was definitely a lot less funny and a lot less light because he was not in it ...

But, at the end of it all, I am grateful for the bright spots - the love and the togetherness we have felt, whether close by or from far-away ... 

Even with all the reminders of loss and pain, I am looking forward to what is next ... Like every year, like every day - life is good and bad, dark and bright, easy and hard - all rolled up into a perfectly imperfect whole ... To witness it all is a privilege. I wish for health in the new year, for it is in health that all things are possible. And I wish for peace in the new year, too, for it is in peace that they become true ... 

Happy New Year, everyone!