It’s
been a while since I have posted an airline blog. Remember, back in the day,
I used to be really annoyed (and that is an understatement) by all the
tribulations one had to encounter to survive a successful trip by a flying
object in this world. And most times, flying is not so much a choice as it is a
necessity for me.
But
lately, I have grown kind of immune to all the “stuff” (for need to keep it a
clean blog) one has to put up in the airline business. Oversold flights still
boggle my mind. So does the fact that nowadays every airplane seems to make their
own rules about what devices should be turned off and which should be off in a
particular lag of any flight. So does the fact that on some planes coke is
free, while on others it’s $5, when on others yet it’s non-existent. Not that I
drink coke.
And I
could go on forever.
But
this blog is about my latest experience through the check-in (TSA) line.
Lately, my husband and I try very hard to not check luggage at all, especially when
we fly on weekend trips. $50 to check a suitcase (two ways) is insane. After
$1000 or so for the tickets! So, during Thanksgiving, when we went back to
Michigan, to visit his family, we took two carry-ons.
His
aunt gave us our Christmas present, all wrapped up prettily in a pink bag. So
sweet! The directions were very strict though: we were not
to open the gift, nor peek, till Christmas Day. We were to pack it in our
carry-on, and put it under our tree when we get home, and wait to open it on
Christmas.
You all
know me well, and I do peek, however. Usually, just on principle. But this time, I was afraid
to go onboard a plane without knowing what’s in my bag. What if the TSA will
have a quiz or something and I fail?! Jail versus upsetting the aunt,
temporarily?! I love his sweet and well meaning aunt, but … I love my freedom
more. Yeah, I sort of peeked.
I felt
the package and I knew there was something like a set of mugs or a vase, with a
plate inside the pink bag. I didn’t open it though – just felt the items inside
the bag through the tissue papers.
So, we’re
in the airport, in the TSA scanning line, and one of our bags gets called for
thorough checking. I won’t go into the whole detail of how they picked my
husband’s bag versus mine first, by mistake. The trouble was with mine! Mine
had “the gift”. They finally picked the right one and they searched it item by
item. Creeps me out, of course, but it’s the price you pay for your freedom, I
guess.
Then,
they find the pink bag. The little TSA man says nonchalantly: “Ma’am, I am
looking for explosive powder. Or, maybe cocaine. That’s what the scanner picked
up! ” Seriously! Smart scanner. NOT! – I think.
Explosives
or cocaine?! Little ol’ me?! I am mum! He asks: “Ma’am, this is a gift, isn’t
it?! Do you know what’s in it?” – now, WHAT do you think the
right answer is here, when the man is trying to find bombs and drugs in your
junk?! Anything you say can be and will
be held against you – don’t you think?! So, I sort of said: “I think there are mugs maybe with something in them?
But no, I didn’t open them”.
He is
opening it right in front of me, and adds: “DO you want to know what’s in
it?! Some people have no clue!” – well, if you’re gonna send me to jail, please
do
tell me what’s in it! Sure!
He
finally found the compromising substance and it was … hot chocolate mix! The
little sweet aunt has given us Christmas mugs with packs of hot chocolate mix
in them. So much for no peeking!
He kept
a straight face through the whole check, took every single item in my bag
apart, and tested the powder (the actual powder, not just swipes from the bag!)
for either explosive or cocaine, and of course … it came back with “hot
chocolate” – no, I made that part up. It came back “legit”, whatever that
means.
I was
in luck because: 1.The man was nice and very patient. And 2.He was used to people traveling with
unopened Christmas presents on them, carrying all sorts of illegal stuff, that
they knew nothing about the insides of. He shared: “Some people try to board these
planes with whole sets of steak knives. That’s fun – when I have to tell them:
you check your bag, or the knives stay here!”
I tried
to offer him to keep my hot chocolate, too, but alas … you can board a plane
with that,
so I got to still keep my carry-on and my “mystery powder”. I wonder
what happens to hot chocolate mix when you mix it in with coke?! And I asked
myself if he ever wondered about that?! Hmm …
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