Dearest Pat,
I wanted to leave these thoughts for you on
your 13th birthday. Here are some things I have learned in my life
since I was your age. Some things that helped me get where I am today and be
who I am today.
13 is a big step, and I am sure you know
this, as feverishly as you have been looking forward to your teen years. You’re
entering a new chapter. You’re no longer a child, but not quite a man yet. But
you’re about to learn how to be one, one day, and you’ll learn it fast. Of that
I am sure.
Be yourself. Always. They say that everyone
else is taken, and it’s true. Only you can do you - a person much smarter than me said. So, do it. Be
genuine.
Always remember that God put you on this
planet because He thought you have something special. Something that no one else
had. So, always look for what makes you - you and share it with the world.
Live your dreams. If you can dream it – you
can achieve it. If you ever doubt this, always remember me. I am living proof
of this statement. There are ways to reach your most hidden thoughts. I never
thought when I was 13, in a small, Communist country in Eastern Europe that I
would one day live in the USA. own a house, have a job and speak another
language fluently. I dreamed it. Then I took every opportunity I had to get me
here. And I finally did it. Because I believed it was possible.
When an adult is trying to teach you
something, or forbids you from doing something, I know that it’s very tempting
to disregard them or disobey them. But I tell you this: they have been as old
as you are. You have not been as old as
they are. So, trust that they have seen what you see and they teach you from
first-hand experience. They only try to protect you.
I know you will need to have your own
experiences and make your own choices – I promise you that you will have every
opportunity to do that. But also, listen to the full picture from those older
than you that have it. Take the advice, weigh it in and decide what you need to
do to stay genuine to you – which is rule number one.
Then, if something doesn’t work out because
you did it your way and you disregarded the advice, learn from it. Remember the
warning we all gave you and think about it next time you make a choice. This
will help you grow and learn. You will be stronger and smarter for it.
Believe in your roots. When you’ll feel
lost and alone, they will help you feel less lonely. You are a mutt - between Romania, Canada, Germany, and the US - you are already born and raised on a multi-cultural background. This is a gift. Lots of people don't know where they come from. Your heritage is part of your life. Embrace that! Remember that mutts are the best - they are the most interesting and they live longest. You come from good people.
They are strong, they are fighters, and they are smart. You have all that in
you – always remember that, when you’re faced with any challenge. You can do
it, because it’s in you.
Don’t forget your roots, but make your own branches. Don’t be afraid to move away from them, but always remember what they are – they will support you.
Above all else in the world, be kind. You
already are the most thoughtful and empathetic 13 year old I know, but don’t
forget to keep that as your most treasured possession, even when among other
kids, the wish of being cool in front of others less fortunate is strong.
Always remember that there is nothing cool in being thoughtless or rude towards
others. On the contrary. Always remember that love and light always win.
Always remember that between darkness and
light, light always wins. Be the light. Be the hope for others. Be the shoulder
others need to cry on.
Always be curious. Never push away any
experience because you will learn from every single one even if in the
beginning it doesn’t seem cool. Remember when you were 8 and you
came to visit me in Utah and you wanted to learn how to knit? Then, you went to
the woodshop with Aa. and helped him make wooden toys for you and your brother?
Stay that curious. Always. You will be wise beyond your years
before it’s your time to be wise if you soak up every experience that comes
your way. The world will only be yours faster and more fully when you’re ready for
it.
Your uncle Aa. reminded me to also tell you:
it’s not all about the money. Sure, money helps get you further. But don’t do
it just for the money. Do it because you love it, because you can
learn something just to learn it, because it helps you grow and become a fuller
human being. Do it because you can and others need you to do it
for them, although they have no money to give you in return.
I have met some pretty miserable people
that are stinking rich in my life. And I also met the most happy people that
had no running water or toilets in the house, and only two changes of clothes:
one for work, during the week, and the other for going to church. But these
people made it into their 80’s singing all day long and loving each other and
their families, in other words: they grew older being happy. Every day. Money
is not everything … There is so much more infinite happiness in hundreds of
other things before money.
Share your grief. When things get hard, don’t
be afraid to ask for help and ask for compassion from others. It’s not a sign
of cowardice, it’s a sign of strength. To know you don’t know everything or to
know that you hurt and ask for help – that’s a sign of strength and bravery.
Work hard for what you want. I have not
seen much that is of value that has been achieved without hard and focused
work. The world is yours to master. But first you need to learn the rules. You’re
not born knowing the rules. None of us are. Take the time to learn them and
learn them well. This will take work. The rest will come easy. But first,
remember the work.
Keep a journal. I don’t care how small and
I don’t care whether you even spell correctly in it (for now!). But keep a
journal and write in it your observation of the world. Things that people do
that drive you nuts, and things that people do that you admire. Read it once a
year at the end of the year and realize how fast and how much you have grown.
It will give you power and courage to go on and be even more next year.
Forgive your brother. Use every opportunity
you have to teach him the good in you and share the knowledge you have. You
will find one day that he’s your best friend, the only person in the world who
knows you better than anyone else. The only person in the world who loves you
totally and unconditionally. I know some days (now) this may sound impossible.
Trust me: I am an older sister like you are an older brother and I have been
there. These things I am telling you – I know them to be 100% true. When all of
us, your grandparents, your parents, your uncles, and aunts, all the older teachers
you have now will be gone, your brother will be the only one there, remembering
it all with you. It’ll be such comfort to have him around. So learn to love him
totally. Now.
Be graceful. When you lose, remember there
is nothing in vain: learn from it, and move on. Bend when life wants to bend
you, or otherwise you’ll break. Stay flexible and graceful. When the tough
times are passed, always, always move on.
Be brave enough to know when you did
something wrong and apologize for it. Again, this is no sign of weakness, but
of strength and nobility. Be noble. Be gentle. Be respectful.
That brings me to my favorite lesson that I
have learned from my own father: always be respectful. People might not
remember that you were strong, or rich, or powerful, or talented, but they will
always remember that you respected them. People will always remember
how you made them feel. Make sure you always make them feel good and important.
As we say in Romania: “always leave room for ‘hello’.”
We are not here, on Earth, to get stuck. We
are here to thrive, to learn, to grow, to achieve, to conquer. Any loss is nothing
but a lesson. Learn it, score it, and move on to the next one, just like you do
in math. Or French. Or art …
Never, ever say "no" to travel. Travel opens doors and windows into worlds you can never imagine. Watch how other people live, taste their foods, love their humanity. Accept their differences and grow as you're doing it. If you have to learn just one thing from me, if I can leave you with just one piece of advice is this: travel as often as possible. And don't be choosy. A small village is just as exciting and full of life as New York City or Paris. Take it all in.
Listen to nature. Love the simple things.
The camping, the walks in the woods, listening to birds, the biking, the
fishing, playing with your pets. When life gets complicated, later on, you’ll
find that nature will relax and revitalize you, charge you back up with good
energy. And nature is always free, buddy. Always free.
I hope some of these thoughts resonate with
you now. If they don’t, promise yourself to come back to this list when you
feel like you forgot it, or you miss me. I would love for you to revisit it
from time to time and to know that I have written it for you to find support
and love, and trust that you are great and you will be even greater. Of this I
am also sure.
I love you with all my heart. I always have
and always will. Never doubt that. I am a “text” away and always, always, and
forever here for you.
Have a good celebration of your already
amazing existence of 13 years.
Much love,
me …
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