Saturday, August 26, 2006

Pet Peeves - Chapter 2

So, I am back for more pet peeves, or other things that grab my attention in not such a nice way…
I have always hated the expression “Flattery won’t get you anywhere”. It is simply a lie … the most common lie people tell. We live in a world where vanity is a family value, cherished and passed on, so flattery, my friends, will not only get you far, but it will get you precisely where you need to go! So, my advice: try it, and tell me I am wrong after that!
I hate shopping with a passion. I hate the too many options, the decisions, the fact that nothing fits me, when it’s for me, or the fact that the colors of the seasons are always the wrong ones. I hate that they start the shoe sizes at 6 and I wear a 4 and a half…Hate spending the cash. Hate to shop for others, ‘cause I never know how stupid my gift is going to seem to them. HATE SHOPPING, OK?!!!! But I love shopping for food. Now, food is a different matter. My mouth watering the entire time with the anticipation of a home cooked meal – out of this world pleasure! Hhmm…yum! - Love it! Except for lemons! I hate shopping for lemons, guys. Why?! Because most of the time (99.99% of the times) I only need one lemon! Every recipe, and every made-up recipe only needs one lemon. There is never need for 2 lemons. Not three. Not 10! Just one. But don’t you feel silly buying just one?! Don’t you feel like the cashier is going to totally hate you and give you a “go-to-hell-you-cheap-bastard-you’re-making-me-look-for-the-stupid-four-digit-code-for-one-stupid-lemon-you-freak” look?! Because I do! And I always buy at least 2 of them, and at least one always rots in my fridge! Yeah, not happy about wasting my cash on lemons, that’s for sure!! If I had a dollar for every lemon that rotted in my fridge over the years … - now, there’s a thought!
With the risk of being stereotypical (ask me if I care later), I will say that people in the South cannot carpool! You happen to see more than just the driver in one car, then the car goes at least 15 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane! People down here cannot drive AND talk at the same time! No, no, you’re giving the lazy ass 2 things to do at the same time, you know their brain just doesn’t work that way, dude! They stop driving and they talk, because someone right there (even if it’s a drooling 2 month old) is waiting for an answer. I guess the person in their car is more of an immediate emergency than all the suckers on the highway, so the driver will focus on giving an answer! You know, they’re not THAT multitasked down here, and their living horizons not that wide, therefore they cannot see what’s OUT there, in their non-immediate world! So start honking! But then they start slowing down even more, or swerving, so you’re simply stuck! Oh, road rage! I wonder sometimes how boring and un-juicy my life would be without the richness and the beauty of the curse word vocabulary in two languages! Quite sad!

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