“The trouble is that you think you have time.” (Jack Kornfield)
Yes…that’s what I thought when I kept telling mom I will see Bubu (mom’s dad) soon, when I knew he was dying of cancer. And one day he went. Never got to say ‘good bye’. Never saw his deep blue-green eyes open again, much less give him a hug. I wear the first silver chain necklace he ever gave me almost every day. But I never said good bye. We lived 5 minutes from each other.
Same thing with Bicu (dad’s father) : he was sick for so long! Years! It seemed decades! I always knew he could make it. He could outlive, paralyzed, all of us. And one day, he fell, and never breathed again. Never said ‘good bye’.
I apologized to the funerals of both, and I hope and pray they forgave me! I loved them both so, and I wanted to tell them that, and so much more, but I always thought: I will have time.
Maia (mom’s mother) was my toughest one though! She was my soul mate, and my one unconditional love! She was my rock and my North Star! I lost direction when she went, and I never got to see when she went, where she went to, so thus she is forever eternal to me! She is still here, giving me advice, loving me, and tucking me in at night! I feel like a part of my heart will forever live in Eternity with her.
You never have time! You have obligations, and work, and meaningless chats about the weather and meaningless tv shows that you have to catch up on; you have to feed the dog, and the cats.. You have to pay the bills... When the real things of life "can wait"...
The truth is: you never have more than the NOW and that is the only real priority: to fill in the NOW. There is no reality other than the now, and it’s so simple to see it, and yet not anyone, pretty much, is aware of this! The past is buried; the future is unknown and so much at the mercy of so many external factors that it’s unreal also. The now is here.
What are you going to do with the one second you have been given?! What?! Make sure you spend it well! And wisely! Make sure you leave this one second behind with no regrets attached to it. And enjoy it!