(Or "Guilty Confessions")
So, I have had a crappy, long week. Too long!
Not particularly dramatic, but just little bugs here and there, biting at you, at your mood, and chipping away at your zeal. If I ever had any, to begin with, that is.
Work was horrible. It always is, but for grace and political reasons, I can't say much about that. Pretty soon this "lucky to have a job" high is going to stoop, and the simple unhappiness of it all is going to take over. Maybe. We're humans, after all, aren't we?!
Then, little bits of "situations" cropped up here and there. Humidity crept in all week long, making for bad hair days, sticky shirts and lots and lots of cranky time. Then, a day off for everyone but not for me (someone had to cover some shifts) set the tone of the week to "bitter". Then, I have to work this weekend. Blah ...
More news about friends being laid off - always bad. More news from home about family feuds, dramas, disloyalty, and quarrels. Asked for advice, but hesitant to give any: after all, who wants to have the responsibility of all that?? Then, relatives traveling over the Atlantic, and being unnecessarily "persecuted" in Germany, and then England, and then Canada. Oh, the curse of ever being an immigrant to the Western World! Sleepless nights, till I found out everyone was OK.
Then, Friday comes, and I was looking forward to dinner with friends, and a cold brew, and some relache time. Think again: 4:30PM strikes, and bugs start to crop up at work, and although I was planning to leave the premises at 5 PM, I had to stay till 6:30. Almost. My dinner with friends was at 6:30. When I left, I discovered my cell went dead, looking for signal in my bunker office. Cripes! Now, I had to go home, because I am on call this weekend, and tonight, and I cannot be away from a working phone. There goes my looking-forward-to dinner on Friday night.
So, I get home, all shaking from the last minute adrenaline rush from work, and letting my friends know that I will not be attending our get-together ... and I was seriously looking for SOMETHING - ANYTHING to make me feel disgustingly better! Something cheesy, and cheap, that required zero thought and zero brain involvement, and so embarrassing, and lame that will make me feel like I am refueling again! So, I reached out for my all-day-girl therapy, "Sex and the City" - I didn't care what season, I just wanted girl talk! So, I pulled out season 3 and started my marathon!
I accompanied that with fresh air (make that "Southern humid air", but still more alive than the fake a/c) from the outside , crickets chirping, lots of beef jerky snacks, while my taquitos were "baking" (err... de-freezing in the oven), and my mashed potatoes were heating up in the microwave.
All those snacks, fresh air, "sexy girl talk" episodes, and a beer later and it seems like the pressure of the week might be slightly releasing off of my bones. I EVEN did the unthinkable and had ONE square of milk chocolate I bought in Paris - I figured, let's see if it's true that chocolate takes away ALL the pressure of the world off of a girl's back. I don't think it did much for me! But it didn't ruin the mood, for sure. Hey, when a girl's desperate, she's got to do what she's got to do, right?!
I wish I could tell the world that I came home and went for a long walk, or did two hours of yoga and meditated for half of an hour and found enlightenment, or ... watched an inspiring documentary about Mother Teresa's resilience. But no, I ate my comfort food (mashed potatoes and beef jerky), I heated up some junk food (Mexican taquitos), and I watched a cheesy girl show (thank you, FOREVER, Andy!!), and I had a cheap-cheap American beer, and YES, I feel better!
I allowed myself to stoop THAT low, and come in touch with my cheesy self! After all, the brain needs some literal time off, once in a while, too. Like anything human, it's not made to last forever, and it needs a cold reboot.
Sheesh! I am still not done with this week, but I feel like I might have found another couple of gallons of fuel to feed me for the next two days!
That you, cheesiness, for being available.