Showing posts with label anniversary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anniversary. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

23 American Years

23 years ago today I came to America. Every year, this day is very special to me. More than any other year, today is also special because 23 years marks my mid-life. Today, I lived in my mother country, Romania, just as many years as I have lived in America – 23. Trying to figure out whether I am Romanian or American is another story for another day.

Today is also the day before one of the most historic presidential inaugurations in American history. I feel like I have come full circle and not in a good way. I ran away from a murky political system, full of self-interest and hatred, chaotic and lost. I ran away towards decency  and freedom. I was happy. My heart full of hope.

I knew America would give me everything I ever wanted since I was a little girl – respect, a decent job that would allow me and my family a decent life. But more than that – it would give me a status in the world that I would be proud of. That would open doors to other countries without asking for visas and other legalities. A status that would make me proud to say I come from America, no matter where I was going.

America did give me a decent job and a decent life. It did open doors for a while and gave me possibilities I had never ever dreamed of. But recently, it broke my heart and shadowed my pride. Nowadays, I question why I ever left my country. But with no regrets, I tread forward and hope that we can figure a way out of this. I am still a believer in American possibilities. Still believe in the good fight. Still believe in the goodness of this people who built the country of all possibilities. All the people who have fought for justice and decency.

I am grateful to all the people that have crossed my path over these 23 miraculous years. People who taught me everything from how to fill a tank of gas to how to balance a check book. How to eat shrimp and how to roast a turkey. People who have loved me and shared their lives with me. I am also grateful for the hard lessons, and the losses, too. They only made me stronger and make me believe even more in my resilience and resolve. Made me believe that it’s possible to come out stronger even from the lowest places.  People who did the impossible: taught optimism to a cynical, fatalist Romanian.

America is truly a melting pot. This was one of the things I was looking the most forward to when I crossed over. I am grateful for all the people that I have been fortunate to meet who are different than me and who shared their lives and perspectives with me. I am richer because of all of you.

There are so many things I could say about my journey here I would need to write several volumes to do it all justice. Maybe one day I will. You all who know me know this well. When I look back on my American life, I recall this conversation that could easily apply to the past 23 years of my life: President Clinton was told in an interview that his book, My Life, was a “great book.” And he chuckled and said: “Well, I don’t know if it’s a good book. But I tell you what: it’s a hell of a good story.”

Be well, America. Get healthy. And above all: thank you.

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

15 Years


15 years today I started blogging here (or anywhere else for that matter). This makes this entry number 545. 

I started blogging (http://wander-world.blogspot.com/2005/07/why.html) from a need to communicate, but also from a love of writing and not least of traveling. 15 years ago, I was avid of finding out what life was about and share my findings with you all.

I never amounted to many followers, in the traditional sense of the word, but I know many of you read this blog, because in the meantime following to a blog has become so much more complicated: 15 years ago, people were blog followers on Blogspot, or at the most, they’d subscribe with an email address. But today, I advertise my blogs on Facebook and on twitter, sometimes even on LinkedIn, and there are so many more people following them through there … My second blog (http://livingwithfh.blogspot.com/) is linked to an external website altogether (https://thefhfoundation.org) and another audience is created there. Social life and newsfeeds have become much more fragmented and complex. Following is not that important, really, to me, because I am thrilled and humbled when my words touch even one person, regardless of how they found me.

It’s been quite a journey! I sat on the title and the url of this blog for a while till it dawned on me: it had to have something related to “travel” in its name. I think one of the top reasons, if not the top reason for immigrating here, was so that I can, one day, have an American passport that will open the door to most any country I wanted to visit and which would allow me to skip the whole “requesting a visa” process. Well, in 15 years, that dream did come true – the one about the American passport. With the new world of the Coronavirus pandemic, the borders of most of the countries in the world are closed to Americans now. So, there, I guess life has shown me.  

But I did travel some – I crossed America twice, I lived in the West and came back to the South-East of The States, I traveled many countries on three continents, and I have learned a lot – about travel, about people, about myself. I try to write as often as I feel like it, but nowadays I have several outlets for writing, some of them more private than others. Life, again, has gotten more complicated.

As long as I live, I know I’ll write, and to some extent, as far as the world around me will allow me to go, I will travel. Just like 15 years ago: whether I travel across the country or sit in my living room and travel in my imagination across the world, or take a day trip across town – my mind will continue to stay open and inquisitive and my feelings and senses will hurry to the blank pages to tell the story and share it with the world.

After 15 years of … everything … I still know one thing for sure: that life is indeed … a trip. Thank you for coming along on my journey. Here’s to new roads and to the next 15!





Thursday, April 16, 2020

Full Circle: 10 Years.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” (Dr. Seuss)


They tell you you should do something special for your anniversaries. And we surely tried to plan something special for our 10 year anniversary. But life and COVID19 got in the way and our trip to the Old Country got canceled. But something special we are doing. Something memorable and unique: surely we will never forget our first ever celebration in confinement, at home, with stores all closed to the point we couldn’t even buy each other gifts, and with the flower man delivering flowers with surgical gloves on. What a hoot! A story to tell our nephews, if they should ever forget … 

I can’t even begin to tell you about what a wild ride these ten years have been! We’ve had it all, as life is such a party… Enumerating everything we’ve been through, all the storms and triumphs, feels like maybe cheapening the beauty of all that has been … More than anything else, I want to remember these ten years as the best part of my life. The part where I grew and finally matured. The part where I truly became whole. The part where I gave all that I could give from a deep, deep place in my heart. 

I never believed in truly happy marriages before. I knew some couples, very few, in my life that came close, but true happiness, so much of it that it stops your breathing, I thought a product of imagination of really gifted writers. But I was humbled and blessed with this man in my life who gave me that and much more during these amazing years.

If I have one advice for anyone (should anyone be looking for it) about what a true happy partnership is, having learned what I have learned in the past 10 years, I would say this: figure out who you are. Figure out who you are, and what you are about. Figure out who you are when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re enraged, and when you’re at peace. Figure out who you are when things are easy and when they are hard. Figure out who you are when you cry and when you laugh the hardest. Then, find the person who makes you be the best of you in every situation, every day, always. The person that brings nothing but the best you to the table. Every. Day. In. Every. Situation. No matter how good, or how bad. Then, you’re a winner. 

Happy anniversary, babe! Thank you for letting me do me every second of the past 315,569,220 seconds of our lives. I can only hope you feel the same … Looking forward to many, many more open and closed spaces with you … 

***

The past 10 years have been like a boomerang for us, location-wise: our together-journey started 10 years ago today in Greensboro, NC. That year we moved away to Utah for most of our years together. Today, we are sitting across from each other in our living room in Pittsboro, NC. Full circle, indeed ... 

In-between those locations, we traveled a lot. Because travel is what we do that makes us both happy. We never took it for granted, but we don't, more so today than ever. 

Today, we are home. Today, we travel through the memories we made in these past 10 years. Here’s a look at the past 10 anniversaries where our freedom was a little bit less confined:



April 2011: Bryce Canyon, UT: we got to our hotel (Ruby's) almost at midnight to find out they were still closed for the winter season, and not open quite yet for the summer season. Although ... we had booked it online the week before. Luckily, the Best Western across the street was open. 


2012: Pojorata, Romania: this is the backyard of where I grew up in the Moldovan Carpathians. I was dying for us to go hike that mountain behind our house, but we were there for 4 days and it rained non-stop. Aa. got really sick, too. 


2013: Zion National Park, UT: We hiked the Zion Canyon trail not knowing there are portions of the trail missing. We had to cross skinny metal bridges that bridged the rocks with hundreds of feet of abyss below us to come up to this view of the Zion Mt. Carmel road below.


2014: Las Vegas, NV: We spent some time in Vegas and we were not alone. My sister came along for the ride. 


2015: London, the UK: We spent our fifth anniversary in London. We loved The Westminster Abbey the best, but the gin and the tea and the food were amazing, too. We loved it so much, we wanted to go see all the isles for our 10th anniversary, but ... 


2016: Utah Lake, UT: I was only two months away from my open-heart surgery this year, so we could not go far from home. But we went shooting (Canons, not rifles) around this gorgeous lake as nature was waking up and snow was melting ... 


2017: Moab, UT: We spent our anniversary weekend in one of our favorite national parks with dear friends who were visiting us from NC. Now, we are almost neighbors, living in the same small town, since we moved back to NC ourselves. 


2018: Chapel Hill, NC: we chased one of our favorite chefs, Brandon Sharp, from CA to NC, as he relocated here, after we moved back. Dinner at The Carolina Inn. (Brandon now has his own restaurant in Chapel Hill and our dinner tonight comes from him, too). 


2019: Charleston, SC: Magnolia Plantation was a dream. Humidity, marshes, Spanish moss, live oaks - we are back in the South and my heart is happy still. 


2010: Greensboro, NC: We lit this candle on our wedding day. I can only hope and pray that we continue to keep it burning just as bright as then for many, many, many more Aprils to come. Help me do that, babe! Happy 10th! Much love! 

Wednesday, February 05, 2020

“Keepers of the Light”


Try as you may, you can never predict history. You can live it, help write it, learn it, and try as hard as you can to not repeat it. Or maybe some history does beg repeating …

22 years ago last month, on January 19, 1998, I flew to America in search of a new home. I was looking for a better life, opportunities, respect for who I am and for freedom. Nowadays, I sometimes find myself asking if it was all worth it. For the most part, I got most of it. But some things are starting to look like they might turn into the bad, haunting history I left behind … But I can’t despair. I am keeping the light burning in the belief that one day America will again be that beautiful place that was once promised … bountiful, but mostly respectful for all.

Regardless of how kind or not America has been to me in the past 22 years, I always celebrate this anniversary. I celebrate that wild spirit, that courage of a single young woman to want to build a life as she wished she should live it. I usually take a trip which is my favorite present to myself for any occasion. This year the trip was to The Outer Banks of North Carolina and to Manteo. 

It was cold. It was so cold, in fact, that one day it snowed. But it was beautiful! Mountains will forever be my soul’s heaven, but the tranquility of the water is magical too. The richness it hides, the pulsating life … The sunsets are as glorious here as they are in the mountains, for very different reasons …

Mountains make me speechless. Water makes me think.

Although we drove and walked in many a cities during this trip, we found good food and great parks, my favorite spots were The Elizabethan Gardens in Manteo, and the drive all the way down to Cape Hatteras. That’s one of those journeys to “the end of the world.” For us, there was a sun dipping in the water on that end, and we felt like the world was over right then and there and for good. A sort of breathtaking desperation you feel in the pit of your chest when the sun just melts in the water. Will it ever know how to float?!  

Enjoy the picture journey of this trip by clicking the shot below. And in case you’re wondering: I would do it in a heartbeat, again, even knowing what I know now … In the end, it was mostly worth it than not …


Monday, January 19, 2015

17 Years Ago Today …


… I landed in Atlanta, GA, from Romania and then Amsterdam. And although I have occasionally looked back, I have never, ever considered, not even for a second, to ever return to my homeland, after I realized that living here was possible.

And 17 years feels and sounds like a lifetime. Much has been lost and gained. Much has been lived, most of all.

Lived in 3 states and 6 homes. Worked for 5 companies. Switched careers more times than I can count … 

Climbed The Twin Towers in NYC that are now gone forever. Climbed The Smokies and The Rockies. Ate gumbo in New Orleans and chowda in Boston. Cooked turkeys for Thanksgiving and watched baseball and fireworks for July 4. I’ve watched the sunsets in Key West and Waikiki Beach, and sunrises on Monument Valley and bison roam in Yellowstone.  

I married twice. Raised kitties. Became an aunt twice. Welcomed my family into my new life. Got bruised many times, and stood up and walked again.

Got my citizenship and I cried. I cried a lot in these years!

Made friends and lost some, too. I still say my prayers in Romanian, and I write my mom every day. I am still looking forward to my adventures and I still feel like a foreigner. I feel like an intruder, to some extent, and I feel like a guest when I visit back “home”. Where is “home”? I do not know. And I do not care. Home is this planet that welcomes me, every day. No matter the latitude of my being.

I wrote a piece 5 years ago , and it still rings true.

Every year, on this day, I pause, I stop breathing under the weight of realizing this miracle that my life has been. And I pray that every one of you knows what a miracle your lives are – every second of every day, with every accomplishment or loss, which are, in fact, neither. But simple lessons and simple days passing, making a lifetime for each one of us.

These are some of the first pictures I took on American land, in Myrtle Beach, SC - my first American home. In a lot of ways, I will forever be looking across The Atlantic, for the first half of my heart to complete me. 

“It’s something unpredictable/ But in the end it’s right”.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Forever

He would have been 40 today. In a strange, prophetic way, he always knew he won’t make it, though. And that, I think, makes it even sadder.

For over three years now, I have been thinking about him every day. And praying, as promised, for his strength, wherever he may be. I hope he has that … What we have here, after 3 years, is still less light, less spirit, a black cloud when we watch The Phillies win, or the Cavaliers lose, or …

I have thought of writing about today all day long, and I am still at a loss for words. A sense of deeper than deep unfairness that he didn't live to see today chokes me up! And how could it not?!

He is still very much alive, and very much, painfully gone, every day … It never gets easier. What they say about time healing wounds doesn’t work when someone slashes your throat to its core with pain, unfairness, helplessness …

The lessons he taught me in strength, friendship, forgiveness, courage allow me to move on, somewhat – but his loss is still crippling. Taking our loved ones for granted is not excusable anymore …

It’s hard to find the right words, because for a person like he was there will never be words big enough. The void left, too deep of a crater to fill … even with sentences …

The only things I could say have been said before – some of them in this song that one of his best friends sent me after the funeral. This song, and its lyrics “carried me through” the past years. Thank you, R.D. – you, as always, came through!

Rest in peace, my dear friend, and I hope you make another world out there brighter and happier just like you did ours …

All of my dreams
Seem to fall by the side
Like a discarded thought
Or the day's fading light
But I know that if I could just
See you tonight
Forever!

At times we may fall,
Like we all tend to do
But I'll reach out and find
That I've run into you
your strength is the power
That carried me through
Forever!

Your kindness for weakness
I never mistook
I worried you often,
Yet you understood
That life is so fleeting,
These troubles won't last
Forever!

Inspired me truly
You did from the start
To not be afraid
And to follow my heart
There's a piece of you with me
They can't tear apart
Forever!

In times we may fall
Like we all tend to do
Your strength is the power
That carried me through

Forever …

Forever I'll find you, forever we'll be
Forever your power and strength stays with me


(Dropkick Murphys – Forever)

Friday, June 17, 2011

Chatting with God

This is a long overdue blog. But I wanted to stop for a minute, and before my memories get dusty, I wanted to record my very first trip to some beautiful, surreal places that not only this state that I live in but this planet has been blessed with.

Back in April, for our first anniversary, we took a weekend trip to the National Parks of Bryce and Zion, in Utah. We also saw a couple of smaller parks in the same area, Kodachrome and Coral Pink Sand Dunes. And of course we drove through just the mere beauty and wonder that lies in between.

We started the trip on a Thursday night, and we stopped for our first night in Bryce. The start was a bit rocky – as we got to our hotel, the hotel was pitch dark and there was a sign on the door that they are closed for the season. We made reservations online, and we had the confirmation, and we didn’t quite understand how this could happen. Luckily, a brand new Best Western was open across the street, and the stay was wonderful, after all. Some things work for the better, you know, even when they might seem that they start for the worse.

The next morning, Friday, we had breakfast at a local staple: Ruby’s Inn. This is a historic resort that bears the name of the old settling outside of Bryce Canyon Park. The name of the settling was changed to Bryce Canyon City not long ago. Breakfast was delicious, and the service was great, but what struck us was that at every table in the room you could hear a different language. From French to German to Japanese – we were for sure in Tourist Land!

Friday, we spent the whole day exploring Bryce Canyon. It’s a drive-in kind of a tour (or should I say “drive through”), so you just get in the car, and drive along the roadway, stopping every so often to an overview, to see the formations on the canyon. There are trails along the way, picnic sites and campgrounds, but we didn’t stop for any of those. We spent the whole day just driving, taking in the sights and stopping to shoot. Pictures, that is!

I had seen pictures of it before, but being there is another experience altogether! You are at the top of all these abysses, looking down on beautiful sculptures of red-yellow-and-white rock! Not two formations are alike and not two valleys resemble each other! The amazingly rich creativity of nature is just breathtaking! The hoodoos look much like sand castles, of piled up dirt, carefully dripped on top of each other in small piles till a huge pile formed, all cemented in millions of years of weather and waiting.

You see birds flying over the precipices, and nesting, snow (at that time) on the highest peaks, friendly deer crossing your path, and above everything, you hear nothing but silence! The wind was echoing in the rocky valley, and you heard nothing else. Maybe the occasional screaming bird, amazed at what’s underneath it, perhaps!



Bryce Canyon hoodoos - The Grottos - a formation that looked like ruins of a church

Not two overviews are alike! They all bear descriptive name, like “Sunset”, “Sunrise” Points, “Natural Bridge”, “Ponderosa Point”, “Black Bird”, “Rainbow Point”. They are all amazingly beautiful, and I am not even attempting to describe them, because no amount of words are enough to tell you about their serene exquisiteness. Pictures will have to do for now, until your next personal visit, so you can understand!

After the tour of the canyon was over, we headed towards the Kodachrome Basin State Park. This is a campground and a drive-in tour that bestows yet another new view of the red rocks of the Utah Desert. Again, we were amazed at the various rock shapes, sizes, and colors, as well as the vegetation that somehow finds a way to survive this disarmingly arid place!



Formations in the Kodachrome Basin

We had dinner that night at The Lodge – inside The Bryce Canyon Park. The place is almost like carved in the landscape around it – all rock and wood, with dimmed lights, wooden tables and large fireplaces. It was a cozy ending to a beautiful day.

At dinner, our restaurant manager asked us “are you doing Bryce first, and Zion second? Or are you coming from Zion?” – I guess it’s common to visit both parks in one trip, since they are less than two hours apart from each other. She also said “Well, Zion is the opposite of Bryce – at Bryce you’re at the top looking down. At Zion, you’re at the bottom, looking up”. I didn’t know it at the time, but that is in short the best description, in the fewest words, of the two parks.

The next morning, our anniversary morning, we could not believe the weather! A year before, we were in Greensboro, NC, on our wedding day, absolutely roasting, me, in sandals and a spaghetti strap dress. Now, a year later, we were in Utah, looking at snowy peaks and wearing winter jackets, scarves and socks and shoes! The temperature did rise during the day, and towards Zion, but it was brutally cold, for April 16, in Bryce!

On the way out of our hotel, we went to get ice, from the ice machine in the hallway. This German lady and her daughter came after us, to watch what we were doing. She asked “what do you do with the ice?”. We said we were making zipped bags of ice for the cooler, to keep drinks cold. She said, matter-of-fact-ly in a wondering tone: “You just get ice from this machine? Just ice?” We assured her that the machine did nothing else but give us ice. She nodded her head in disbelief: “It’s a big machine. Just for ice!!”. Remembering my European roots and how foreign of a luxury ice is back there, I can only imagine now how ridiculous we seem to people there for having this big a$ machine that does absolutely nothing else but produce … ice! Doesn’t feed anyone. Doesn’t heal anyone. Just eats up power (I am sure lots of it!) and makes … ice … Eye opening indeed!

En route to Zion National Park, we stopped at Coral Pink Sand Dunes. It’s a bit of a drive to find them, and you go through nothing but brush and desert. We stopped on the way just to capture some of the drive, and my husband stepped around this massive boulder in the middle of nowhere only to immediately warn me that we must get back at the car now, and we must leave. He was looking down at some creature eaten up by God knows what (bugs? Roaches? Coyotes? Rats? Snakes?) beyond recognition! Looking back now, I regret not taking pictures or looking at it myself, but at the time, his face, twisted with disgust, and the rising heat and the fact that there was not a soul around us, nothing but sky, sand, sage brush and silence, gave me enough panic to turn around and almost run!

Whenever I wonder in the desert, I am never bored! There is always something unexpected and wonderful about them!

Coral Pink Park is a completely different desert than any of the other ones I have seen in Utah! Whereas everywhere you see rocks, here, the rocks turned to powder as if a magic fairy shook her wand and turned everything to dust! Everything is soft and almost shapeless. Reminds you of the Sahara, except it’s pink not yellow. Or white. Lots of folks were camping around the dunes – which is very interesting to me. I usually look for a stream and for some shade when I camp. But these were folks riding ATV’s, so, they were looking for open dirt spaces! Sand dunes will offer that!



Coral Pink Sand Dunes State Park

After passing a buffalo farm and seeing more deer, we finally made it to Zion. It was National Park Week that day, so the entrance was free! We never knew about this – things you, once again, learn when you move a bit away from home, you know?!

This is where my story might get dramatic, but I don’t apologize for this! This is why I have sat so long on this story – because I have not been able to find the words to describe Zion and its first impact on me! Nothing I have seen or heard of before about it could have prepared me for the next two days!

We did spend some time in the city of Zion, which is very quaint and like no other small town I have seen – part desert scene, part Native American, part Hispanic, part old Western charm, it’s a melting pot of everything Southwestern and more. Everything we had to eat was different, fresh and delicious, and some of the best Mexican food we have ever had! Just walking the main drag, admiring the beautiful mountains and the unusual vegetation was refreshing. But the highlight of Zion and of this trip was The Park, of course.

“Zion” has come to mean to a lot of people sort of a spiritual homeland, a home coming, a safe heaven. I am not sure why, maybe it’s just reading too much before I actually got there, but that’s exactly the feeling I felt when I entered it. It was awe-striking, it was heart stopping, and jaw dropping. Butterflies in the stomach and tears in your eye. Amazement that such beauty exists and that such perfection! You felt small, and protected and spellbound and like you don’t want to leave ever, because where else would you want to be?!



Buffalo farm, outside Zion National Park

You first come to the Checkerboard Mesa, a monolith of amazing proportions, that almost blocks the access in the park. And that’s just the illusion. In Zion you feel about a hundred times that you are at the end of the road, and you just come to yet another curve in the road. The road keeps winding, digging through the valley, digging through massive rocky mountains and pulling you through at the other end of it, in the small city of Zion.

I am not sure how to describe what I saw with my own eyes. I had this feeling when I first saw the “mountain of cotton”, Pamukkale, or the ancient city of Ephesus, in Turkey, several years ago, and also when I saw The London Bridge, The Tower of London, Quebec City, and when I climbed on top of the World Trade Center, or when I saw The Statue of Liberty for the first time. This sort of amazing feeling that I am out of my body, that this body that grew up in a small Romanian city and read about these amazing things in books and newspapers cannot possibly stand now in front of these almost fictional sites! It was a feeling of being out of touch, and yet enjoying the reality of it!

I didn’t say much, the whole time we were in the park! I just could not stop taking everything in and taking pictures! Just like the manager said: you were at the bottom looking up, and I have never seen mountains that high and so … naked! There is nothing but rock! Huge, amazing amounts of rock , one on top of each other. You can see the history of the planet in the hundreds of colors of layers in every wall that blocks your view … You are so close to them, and they are so huge you feel like they’re leaning on top of you and they’re going to tumble any minute now! But you know they’ve stood there for ages, and they won’t!

There are two tours in Zion – one that you drive yourself through, on the valley floor, and another one where you have to take the shuttle which drives towards and passed Zion Lodge and through the narrow canyons. The shuttle is taking people on the second loop to reduce pollution and road congestion from too many cars. We did the first tour on Saturday, and the shuttle ride with the stops on Sunday.

On both tours, you had the chance to hop out and either walk trails, or have a picnic. There is also a sizable campground inside the park, as well. On day two, when we rode the bus, we stopped at two places that will stay with me forever, although the whole park is imprinted in my memory!

The Temple of Sinawava is a last stopping point on the bus tour. There is a huge waterfall jumping into the Virgin River, right before you head on the trail towards The Narrows – a dangerous and most traveled trail. The wall of the waterfall reminds me of a church’s altar with the plunging organ in the background – I suspect hence the name. We saw wild turkeys, squirrels, lizards and yet more black birds here, as well, right off the trail.



The waterfall at Temple of Sinawava

Another beautiful spot is The Weeping Rock, another gorgeous waterfall – we were terribly lucky, we found out, that the water was pouring out of the rocks on this one! Utah being mostly a dry state, there is a very slim chance you get to see waterfalls going unless it’s right after winter – so, we were in luck! We climbed the trail up to The Rock, and we walked behind the water fall, almost getting soaked. But just being so close to rock, so sturdy, and water, so ephemeral was an amazing feeling.



"The Weeping Rock" - from the trail that leads behind the fall

All the stopping points and overviews have a religious resonance here, as you might expect, perhaps: “Altar of Sacrifice”, “The Sentinel”, “The Great White Throne”, “Angels Landing” (where you can see rock climbers hang on to a perfectly vertical 6000 ft drop and condors diving into the valley), “The East/ West Temple”, “Court of the Patriarchs”. And it all feels surreally divine.

It’s when I see such beauty in nature, such perfection, such detail and such ornate and minute arrangement of colors and sizes and shapes that I have no doubt that this world is not and can never be just an accident! It’s at a time like this that I feel small, insignificant, and yet blessed, that I am, too, part of the whole that was created along with this beauty, as a work of a greater power … And I just bow in meekness!

Laurence Sterne said: “I once asked a hermit in Italy how he could venture to live alone, in a single cottage, on the top of a mountain, a mile from any habitation? He replied that Providence was his next-door neighbor. “

Now, I understand!



One last look at Zion: The Zion Mount Carmel Tunnel - you see that very small "hole" in the massive wall? It is a window inside the tunnel. The tunnel runs the length of this mountain, but it could not, of course, fit in one shot! Please click on the picture for the whole album of this amazing trip.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

After a Year

It’s been exactly a year today since that first Honey Baked ham sandwich in our new home, together, as husband and wife. It’s been a wonderful, scary and eventful journey.

Life is beautiful anywhere you make it that way! We have meandered through challenges and happy moments, through lows and highs, through losses and gains. But most of all, I think we have learned that no matter what the outside world will give us, we have each other and with a positive attitude, patience, understanding and love we can get through everything.

After a year, I still miss NC. Maybe more than when I left. I miss my friends, and I miss just the warm (literally and figuratively) culture of The South. I miss the food. And the sweet, sweet wine. As a general observation, Utah has not been as warm and friendly as I was used to before. We love to travel, though, and Utah is located at the perfect crossroads of beauty and wonder, so we have taken to the roads or the skies, when the small town we live in becomes too tight. We’re grateful to have a beautiful home to come to after each trip.

People are not very friendly here, especially to strangers, and we stick out as a sore thumb, for our social drinking, lack of kids and the fact that we don't open our doors to strangers (read: missionaries). But we’re grateful for the few friends we do have and for the times they share with us over birthdays, holidays and just tired, slow Saturdays, after a long week. We also like the weather, the mountains, the streams, the beautiful cities of Park City, Salt Lake, even Heber and Midway. We love the columbines and the desert plants. And the birds! Oh, the beautiful multicolored birds!

We have learned to tame our soil and actually planted some roots this year! We have built a fence – to make better neighbors, you know. We have shoveled snow and mowed grass. We have taken care of what’s ours. We have decorated our home together. We have celebrated Thanksgiving, and Christmas and Easter in our new home. We’re a true family now, you could say.

It’s been a great year! I don’t think we’ll have many years as full of this first one, but we will keep it interesting, I am sure. We’re still, in a lot of ways, learning the culture around us, and trying to make not just our address a home, but the larger world of our town and county.

I am speaking for both of us, I think, when I say that we don’t know what the future might bring, and we might not even make Utah our “forever” home, the home state where we’re going to retire in, or be buried in, but in the meantime, we’re making it a cozy getaway, a welcome refuge at the end of the day, a nice place to come to after a long journey. Hopefully. We’re ready for more ham sandwiches and sweet California wines in our humble abode, which had us with open arms a year ago today.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

The Bride Drove Herself to “The Altar”

Or a different kind of wedding.

In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. (Coco Chanel)


And that I did. Drove myself to the altar that is. You know how brides have a mental breakdown if they don’t come by limo, horse drawn carriage or some kind of unusual vehicle to their wedding? None of that went through my head. I schlepped my mom, sister and my barely 2 year old cranky nephew Patrick in the Echo and there I went. All dolled up in the bridal garb and onto the altar.


It was not much of an altar, really, though. Unlike every woman in my family, I got married in a hotel. We rented this restaurant room adjacent to a patio, and we got married right there, on the patio. There was a reverend that officiated our vows, but she was neither Baptist nor Eastern Orthodox, like we are.


When Robin, our reverend, asked us how big our wedding party will be, I said: “we have no wedding party”. Then, when I saw her puzzled look, I sort of corrected myself and said: “well, just my parents and his mom”. And then I continued: “and my sister and his mom are the witnesses”. She nodded.


Because, yes, much to my sister’s delight that I have not changed that much after all, we did have a woman reverend. Aa. and I picked her independently of each other while browsing a website for wedding resources. You could say it was very “21st Century”. To us, it was just convenient.


When Robin asked us who will be the ring bearer, Aa. said he would be. She agreed that that would be perfect, because this way she wouldn’t be wondering where they’re coming from and he will make sure he won’t forget them. One would hope, anyway!


When she asked who will hold my bouquet, I said my sister, who will be sitting in the front row. Pretty much everyone would be sitting in the front row, so anyone can do it, I concluded, and she nodded yet again.


I tried to keep everything black and white for the wedding, including the dress. A one of my favorite designers will tell you: to have “classy”, you’ve always got to have a splash of black, so, yep, the dress had black in it!


Except for the room space, the dinner, the cake (the “essentials”, that is) I ordered virtually no extras from nowhere. I bought the invitations from the store myself, and printed them myself, and we had no monogrammed napkins nor hand picked china. The hotel provided those and we didn’t know what they were till the day of the wedding. We just trusted them. They also provided the cake cutter and server.


We had New York style cheesecake for the wedding cake, because I suck at deserts! I pretty much hate them all, but I will eat cheesecake, and according to Aa. it had to be something I liked too … So, there you have it. We ordered that from a bakery.


I said I “tried” to keep everything black and white, but the flower arrangements came from the hotel, and they were yellow, tan and white, so … no “color theme” to speak of there. But they were exquisite!


Much to the sadness of many of our friends, I think, we didn’t want anyone but our families there. Not because we can’t afford a bigger wedding, but because we’re both not into weddings. Please refer to another piece I wrote about that.


We wanted to keep it intimate and we wanted the people who have been in our lives always to be there, to celebrate it with us. They are the only ones to whom this event means just as much as it means to us. Yes, friends are great and we are both blessed with some wonderful ones, but you know what they say about blood sometimes. I guess we’re a tad conservative there too, eh?!


The vows were beautiful and the whole day was emotional for all of us. We laughed (mostly), some of us cried, too, and all in all I hope everyone felt that it was a momentous occasion for the two of us, and I hope they lived that moment with us as well.


I think I speak for Aa. when I say that if we were doing this again, we would not change a thing. The ritual was so beautiful and so meaningful to both of us, and the fact that our families were there gave me personally a confidence I never knew I had. I was telling myself that even if anything were to go wrong that day, there is no one who will judge us! It’s all family, and they are forgiving. They have no choice, really! It was such a blessing, just to let go and enjoy it.


I can only hope and pray that throughout the many years to come, Aa. and I will remember the beauty and purity of that day. The love that we shared, the sunny skies, the warmth in the air and in the hearts of those present, the love that we looked at each other with. When trouble will hit, as it always does, when the mountains will get too high, as they always are, I hope we can both mentally go back to that day, our foundation, and remember why we’re here. And remember that we’re here to care for each other, to make the other happy, to shelter the other from pain and cold and sickness.


Just like this day was not about the color of the flowers or what kind of cake we “should” have, marriage here forth should never be about what color we paint the living room or what kind of meat we’re cooking for dinner. As long as we have plenty, and are in want of nothing, what color or speed or texture plenty is matters little.


I love you, sweetie. Thank you for liking my “different”, and thank you for teaching me to say “forever” again …


April 16, 2010 - please click on the photo for more pictures

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Fastest Week of My Life


For all the folks out there who have been begging me for updates, here's a ... ummm... "brief" of the past week. It started on Monday, April 12. Buckle up!


Mom, dad and I woke up and were faced with a huge “to do” list. We had major grocery shopping to do, and I had major cleaning to do, as well, as my house was to be open to relatives and friends for “the week of the wedding”. We shopped for most of the day, and dad designed a menu for pretty much every meal for every day of the week. Not an easy feat, if you know my family and if you know that they never cook under five dishes per meal when they have people over. American fridges are absolutely, positively not designed big enough for Romanian meals! At any rate, April 12 was a cooking day, and cleaning for me.


April 13, a Tuesday, we continued to cook since my then fiancé, Aa., was coming in town and coming over for dinner that night. Parents were nervous as all, to meet him, and to impress him with dinner. All went well. My dad is not all that scary, Aa. was finally convinced, and Aa. was not all that scary to my folks, either. Welcome to my family, Mr. Aa. Now, you’ll have to grow a second stomach, just like the rest of us!


On April 14, Aa. and I rushed to The Guilford County Courthouse early in the morning, to obtain our marriage license. As he was saying, it took longer to clear security at the door and to find the office of The Register of Deeds than it took to obtain the license. Mom and dad thought we got married without them, but I had to explain to them: “No, ma, they just wanted our money! Marriage will become official on Friday, when our Revered will marry us and sign the bottom line.”


The whole marriage license business is as weird as any State-mangled affair! They never check anything. You can tell them you’re a boy instead of a girl and they believe you. I could not remember my divorce date, and I am pretty sure I gave a close one, but they never checked, nor look for any documentation. As for the SSN – no card required. You can make up ANY number. I suspect. But you do swear (or “affirm” if “you have issues with ‘swear’”) on the Holy Bible! So help you God! So it all must be real, since, by Lord, you “swore”. It was eerie! I come from Romania about which people will tell you is like a travel back in time, and this sounded to me as bogus as The Salem Witch Hunt! But we got “a license”.


After The Courthouse, it was flower shopping for the afternoon event we had planned. In the afternoon, my friend B. was kind enough to shoot pictures of the two of us all over The Downtown for our engagement book. It was like 50 degrees outside and I was in a sleeveless dress. I am suspecting I will look semi-comatose in the pictures, but we’ll see!


After the shoot, we got together with friends at The Loft at Natty Greene’s, where we celebrated our engagement and my leaving The Green City. I was so overwhelmed by the outpour of love from everyone who came! I never suspected that everyone that I invited would come, but they did. I am truly blessed by many good people as my friends! Gosh, how I will miss them all! I can only hope everyone had just a good of a time as I did seeing all of them and bidding farewell one more time.


My friend, B., picked the setting - which was metaphorical, according to my sister: "behind closed fences" or "marriage" - in front of Natty Greene's in Downtown Greensboro, before our engagement party - April 14, 2010


Then, we were off to the house, to bring all the too many presents we got and the flowers, and décor from the party. Then off to bed – early day on Thursday.


On Thursday, April 15, I was off to Charlotte early to wait for my sister, brother-in-law and nephew, Patrick, at the airport. They were flying in from Canada. Aa. was Greensboro-bound, waiting for his mom, who was flying in from Michigan.


It’s always such a loving handful to see Patrick! He is a different person every time I see him. More mature, smarter, better behaved, less of a baby, more of a kid every single time. He is such a gift! It just made my day to just smell him and hold his little body for short seconds that he would generously allow.


Patrick "being cute" - on cue from his mommy


In the evening, we had an all-family dinner: Aa.’s mom, Aa. and my whole family got together for a Romanian dinner, more or less traditional. Given the fact that there were 85 degrees outside that day, dad grilled out, so we had a typical summer meal that included kebobs and chicken wings on the grill as well as pork steaks and chicken nuggets wrapped in bacon. Rice pilaf and moussaka and a light summer salad were the sides. Chocolate crepes were the desert. Yeah, my family can cook! I miss them already, although, I am still hearing my fridge’s sigh of relief since they left and no food was further added to the shelves!


Family night: watching a home video by dad, sitting down for dinner, and opening a birthday present: a toolbox made by Uncle Aa. for Patrick


April 16, a Friday, was “the big day”. I made the resolution that come high water or fire, I was not going to fret and I was not going to worry about anyone’s wellbeing that day. It was about me, and “my man”, and I just had one worry in the world: that I would no cry during the ceremony, so the pictures won’t look silly, and that I would not stumble on words during saying my vows! The rest of the world could take care of themselves!


And that’s what they did. Somehow, it all went well, and we had the most perfect day and the smoothest wedding, I think. Other than the wind conspiring against us and not allowing us to light our candles, it all went great! Just as we planned it. Everyone was gracious to us, and didn’t pressure us into too much needy-ness … I was really grateful that everyone seemed to honor us, and our union, and this way this day will always be a gift from us, and from our families to us, and to our lives together. I am so touched by everyone’s love and words and meaningful gifts to us. We do have great families!


The happy day - April 16, 2010 - many thanks to our photographer and friend, Rob, for suggesting the beautiful setting


No honeymoon for us, yet. So, after the party, we just came home with the family, and opened a bottle of 1997 Romanian (actually from my home county) wine. 1997 is when I graduated college. I figured I would open than bottle the day I feel like “I truly came of age”. No better day than my wedding day, I guess.


April 17, a Saturday, was sort of a “relache” day. Aa.’s mom went back home, but her sister took her to the airport, so we can sleep in (well, as late as Little Man Patrick allowed, of course). We had meals at odd times in odd shifts (my dining room is not very huge), and we took a family walk (sans dad who was napping) in Country Park. It was also the last full day I spent with my sister and her family, for a while now.


Patrick and parents, mom and Aa. on the walk at Country Park


We entered our marriage as marriage is supposed to be: a special day, surrounded by “all things normal”: family, home, familiar wine, and our own bed and environment. None of the ritz and contrived-ness that usually follows a wedding. Just a gentle slip into another form of “normal”. “Our” normal now.


On Sunday, we packed The Canadians and took them back to the Charlotte airport so they can return home. Such a short trip for them, and so generous of them to spend their short vacation with us for our special event.


"Bye-bye, America!" - Patrick on the way to Charlotte, en route back to his home, in Montreal


On Monday, my parents got in a last day of shopping, for last minute gifts for back home. I got in some grocery runs as well, alongside their shopping spree! The shopper in my family is dad. Mom and I (and Aa.) hate it. Amazing how dad has us trained though, because we shopped from 10 AM to 5 PM non stop! Then, it was dinner time and time to pack mom and dad for their trip to Canada.


On Tuesday, April 20, we took the parents to the Greensboro airport very early in the morning, so that they can be en route to Montreal, where they’re spending a month with my sister and her family. Aa. and I were left alone, for a brief, couple of days “honeymoon preview”, of sorts. We were entirely too exhausted to plan anything, of course. We just slept in, ate a lot and slept. A lot!


And then, Aa. was off to Utah for the next couple of weeks today. My house is empty. And my feet are burning, after I have been cleaning all day.


If you remember that feeling you have after you get off the merry-go-round, that feeling that your mind and your insides are still spinning although your whole body is still, that’s how I feel. I feel like the machine has stopped, by my body still thinks it needs to spin, with inertia! I am not fully aware yet that I am married, that I am jobless, that I need to start packing to move across country in two weeks, that I have calls to make and chores to line up for the next weeks to come. I am still trying to wake up. Or go to bed and catch up on the sleep. Not sure which!


One thing I do know for sure: I am grateful for family and for the time I got to spend with everyone: friends, family, old and new! We are nothing if we don’t have them! They give us roots and they define us in a way that no job and no house we made ourselves is capable of defining us!


I am grateful I have gotten to share my family with my new husband and I have gotten to share his as well! I hope the crazy roller coaster of a week will only mean good memories for them as well, as it means for me, too.


And I humbly thank all of them and all my friends, from far and near, for traveling and for all the gifts and sweet wishes! One can only be so blessed to have so much love and generosity around on such special occasions! I send it all back, ten fold, to all of you! I hope you all know the blessings and love you have poured on me and Aa. this past week! You all deserve them!