Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I'd Rather Be Sad??!! Hhmm ...

I think Dostoevsky said ( I might be wrong!) at some point that when you cannot write, you need to write about what it feels like to not be able to write. If you consider yourself a writer, there is not such thing as "not able to write", he implied.

But I am here to tell you: I cannot write lately! It's not that there is not "stuff" happening, because there is, people peeving me, or life lessons to come my way! Not at all! But I just cannot find the voice that will have something good, emotional, or remotely eloquent to say. I don't like my writing voice lately, and I would rather keep it quiet. Or maybe I just cannot find the inspiration to make what is happening interesting enough to share.

But here's the thing with me: historically, I have not been able to write, or have been a poor writer, when I am happy. My muse loves misery. She cannot handle me, nor the empty page, when I am happy! She has never been able to!

So, I can't help but wonder: should I be grateful for the happiness? Or mad that I cannot write?? Hhmm... Should I just be grateful for the non-writing, since it means I am happy? Or should I rather crave to be sad, since I miss writing so much?! Now, that's a twisted predicament!

As far as my readers go: I pray for understanding, and patience from you: if you want to just keep up with what I have been doing lately, I'll hate to tell you: I will NOT update the "status" on facebook with trivial notes about my daily routine, but in a nutshell, here's the scoop of the last week or so: going to the grocery, cooking dinner for the disabled, weeding the yard, having a wonderful dinner at Print Works Bistro (have your had their Spatzle?? What about their cheesy grits??), watching my Prom video and feeling too fat, working too much, and spending a whole weekend (so hard to come by and thus so much more precious!! ) with my boyfriend, cooking, watching movies and family videos, more working, and pausing for a day, or so, to remember my friend's birthday, who has passed away last year!

And if you want to know the truth about my soul lately: it's been blissful, and grateful for it all ! I am grateful for the wonderful family I have, and all my friends, far and near, I am grateful for the love and happiness in my life that I finally get to share and explore, and I am looking forward to a very bright future ...

And I will also look forward to learning how to write on happy spirits. Because I am guessing they will be very common from here out, as I am pretty sure that I'd rather be ... happy. I hope so, at least.

So, stay tuned, and thank you for your patience while I find my ... "happy" voice.


TonyaB122 said...

Your "voice" never matters to me, I would rather have you, as just YOU. A-, you've always written your feelings, and that's what we all love - your heart, whether happy, sad, or mad.

Express that happiness that shows in your smile, and the love that is in your heart now.

The other A- is very lucky to have you in his life.

Love to both of you,

A.W. said...

Aaawwww .... You are THE best, you know that!!
Thank you! And love you, too!!!

Charlie said...

See, I always write better happy. I guess it's just in our natures to write in a particular mood or emotion. The trick is learning how to find the words or the story when you're not in the mood. I don't think I've mastered that.

The more important thing, however, and the one for which I am grateful to God is that you are happy! I'm rejoicing for you. :)

A.W. said...

Charlie, I know: it's either or, I find, with writing people: either happiness, or sadness - it's the extremes...

Mine is sadness... but hopefully, I can learn the "other" way, too ...

Thank you for being happy for me!