I think Dostoevsky said ( I might be wrong!) at some point that when you cannot write, you need to write about what it feels like to not be able to write. If you consider yourself a writer, there is not such thing as "not able to write", he implied.
But I am here to tell you: I cannot write lately! It's not that there is not "stuff" happening, because there is, people peeving me, or life lessons to come my way! Not at all! But I just cannot find the voice that will have something good, emotional, or remotely eloquent to say. I don't like my writing voice lately, and I would rather keep it quiet. Or maybe I just cannot find the inspiration to make what is happening interesting enough to share.
But here's the thing with me: historically, I have not been able to write, or have been a poor writer, when I am happy. My muse loves misery. She cannot handle me, nor the empty page, when I am happy! She has never been able to!
So, I can't help but wonder: should I be grateful for the happiness? Or mad that I cannot write?? Hhmm... Should I just be grateful for the non-writing, since it means I am happy? Or should I rather crave to be sad, since I miss writing so much?! Now, that's a twisted predicament!
As far as my readers go: I pray for understanding, and patience from you: if you want to just keep up with what I have been doing lately, I'll hate to tell you: I will NOT update the "status" on facebook with trivial notes about my daily routine, but in a nutshell, here's the scoop of the last week or so: going to the grocery, cooking dinner for the disabled, weeding the yard, having a wonderful dinner at Print Works Bistro (have your had their Spatzle?? What about their cheesy grits??), watching my Prom video and feeling too fat, working too much, and spending a whole weekend (so hard to come by and thus so much more precious!! ) with my boyfriend, cooking, watching movies and family videos, more working, and pausing for a day, or so, to remember my friend's birthday, who has passed away last year!
And if you want to know the truth about my soul lately: it's been blissful, and grateful for it all ! I am grateful for the wonderful family I have, and all my friends, far and near, I am grateful for the love and happiness in my life that I finally get to share and explore, and I am looking forward to a very bright future ...
And I will also look forward to learning how to write on happy spirits. Because I am guessing they will be very common from here out, as I am pretty sure that I'd rather be ... happy. I hope so, at least.
So, stay tuned, and thank you for your patience while I find my ... "happy" voice.
4 comments:
Your "voice" never matters to me, I would rather have you, as just YOU. A-, you've always written your feelings, and that's what we all love - your heart, whether happy, sad, or mad.
Express that happiness that shows in your smile, and the love that is in your heart now.
The other A- is very lucky to have you in his life.
Love to both of you,
t-
Aaawwww .... You are THE best, you know that!!
Thank you! And love you, too!!!
See, I always write better happy. I guess it's just in our natures to write in a particular mood or emotion. The trick is learning how to find the words or the story when you're not in the mood. I don't think I've mastered that.
The more important thing, however, and the one for which I am grateful to God is that you are happy! I'm rejoicing for you. :)
Charlie, I know: it's either or, I find, with writing people: either happiness, or sadness - it's the extremes...
Mine is sadness... but hopefully, I can learn the "other" way, too ...
Thank you for being happy for me!
;-)
Post a Comment