Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Not sure what…and some new things for the new year…

And another year started and another horizon has opened up. Although I should be sad and grim about losing Jeff and his whole family, I have been amazingly, scary-ly very bright, optimistic and open about this change… Not sure where all the optimism comes from, other than the freshness of an open door, which I have always grown to love…
I am teaching a Leveraging Conflict workshop at work, I am back (somewhat, money permitting) in Yoga, I am reading and looking into Real Estate classes, I am reassessing long forgotten relationships with old friends, and I feel surprisingly young… In the beginning, when I made the decision that Jeff and I were no longer an item, I was devastated that I am too old to start over… And I am not sure what happened, but overnight I became young again… Not sure what’s going to happen yet. I still have no trips planned, other than the ones to see my family, and Andy, but I am just looking forward to life and enjoying it… Jeff is still at the back of my mind (tomorrow will be hard: it would have been our fourth anniversary), but I feel somewhat free and that gives me energy. We can never feel truly free… But any amount of illusion is important… I meet interesting strangers online and that is somewhat of a novelty to me: to have honest too God communications with people you probably will never meet is quite the rush! In some ways, I think it’s easier, because there is no pre-judgment and no pre-conceived notions about the other person, so the flow is free… And there is no danger they can stalk you and kill you either…It’s a new thing I discovered, and I guess, for now… thanks to technology!
PS: and yes, I am aware that you NEVER start a story with “and”… but this is my blog, and thus free of criticism …

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