The Pup

“Who needs a house up on a hill

When you can have one on four wheels
And take it anywhere the wind might blow
(…)
Just hang a map and throw a dart
And pray to God the engine starts and go.

(…)

Parking lots and county lines
Countin' mile marker signs
Where the buffalo and antelope
(…)
One more postcard for the wall
Off in our home sweet home away from home”

I dreamed of camping in The Rockies since my first trip there, to Vail, CO in 1999. You can say that was a century-old dream. As such.

We were lucky enough to move Out West in 2010 and we tent camped in various places, but not as much as I wanted to. I was too scared to. Too scared of bears and too scared of the random (and frequent) rattlesnake.

In the summer/ fall of 2015, we bought a camper, for added security and because neither one of us was done camping. We called it “The Pup”. That was really, its name – “The Wolf Pup” from Forest River. 

The Pup

We bought it for one feature only: it had an enormous window right in front of the dining table. We dreamed of having many meals on that table while watching the wildlife and the vegetation. And that, we did.

That window!! 

My mom made us a cross-stitched framed “poster” to hang in it. It felt like home. If you’ve never owned a camper or used one, it’s like having a vacation home anywhere you want to be. Wherever you go, you change your landscape, your view, but you’re still home. Like you never left. No need to sanitize your bathroom when your hotel is your own house.

Mom's cross-stitch 

We kept a “Wolf Pup Journal” in it and we both wrote about every stay in The Rockies, and then across America, and then around NC and VA. Here are some samples from our adventures.

“First trip ever together, in a camper. Beautiful fall colors. Temps dropped to 65F. (…) The campground is full of mooing cows. Love it! (…) Our favorite meal was the baked potatoes. Just wrapped in foil and cooked in the fire. Tonight we’re having pancakes – just fried dough in the flat iron press. The fall is gentle and gorgeous, but it is bitter cold at night. Grateful for the camper! It’s been a no phone and no internet kind of weekend.” (me) – September 2015 - Diamond Campground in Spanish Fork Canyon, UT

“As I write this we are sitting in our camp chairs, relaxing, enjoying the sound of the river, the falling yellow and orange leaves. And the sounds from the river.” (Aa.)

“This is a gorgeous campground – very woodsy and shaded. We’re camping by The Salt Creek and the mountain stream song is soothing. It’s late in the year but it’s 80F+ today. So peaceful.(…) A deer came and drank from the creek this morning, over breakfast. ” (me)  – September 2015 – Ponderosa Campground on Nebo Loop, UT

“Our site has lots of sap on everything, from the towering pine trees above us. Yesterday, around 5PM, we were having a snack and Aa. saw a deer outside our dining seat window – so close, just outside - eating trees.” (me) – June 2016 - Timpanogos Campground, Alpine Loop, UT

“Reason #1 why we bought a camper was so that we could feel safe to camp off the grid, meaning not in a campground. So, this is our first try. (…) We picked a pasture by the side of the river, on the right of the road. (…) There is not much to be heard, other than the occasional breeze through the tall grasses and the stream right in front of us. There is a rare car, and lots of close gun shots. I am thinking of the Old West: we have a shovel waiting right next to the firepit, gun shots, tall grasses, a big, cloudless, tall sky above us. Old and New West at its best.” (me) – August 2016 - off the grid in Diamond Fork Canyon, UT

“This time the campground is a ghost town! Maybe two other couples and the camp host. I love camping in the fall for this reason: quiet and uncrowded. We didn’t forget anything this time, … but we needed more duct tape! Always can use more of that!” (me)

“Shortly after arriving we had a short thunderstorm. We sat under the awning and read. After the storm, we shot the water on leaves then went for a hike. Had a lot of trouble keeping the fire going today.” (Aa.)  – October 2016 - Cherry Campground – Spanish Fork, UT

The West and The East

“We’re above 8000F and my heart can tell you that. I don’t have enough air, and my throat feels strangled, but the view from up here is stunning! We’re parked atop this huge pasture covered in yellow daisies. Bugs, butterflies and birds hover over it in droves. Then, in the way distance, the Nebo range stands tall and green with hints of red rock. It’s probably one of the most beautiful places we’ve ever camped in.” (me) – July 2017 -  Blackhawk Campground on Nebo Loop, UT

“After lunch we explored the river behind our site. The river’s so full and as loud as a torrential downpour. The whole weekend we felt like it was raining outside, but it was just the river. The site and the entire campground are the most forested that we’ve ever camped in. (…) On Saturday, I painted a campfire in the woods and a lotus flower. We napped. At night, Aa. learned to play Macau and he loves it.” (me) – July 2017 – Tanners Flat Campground, Little Cottonwood Canyon, UT

The past-times

“The trip Eastward started yesterday. We spent the first night on the road at The Moab KOA. It’s a lovely, quiet place on Highway 191. (…) Gypsy is still a bit scared, but he is better by the hour. He’s scared when the heater comes on and when he sees other people outside our window.” (me) – October 2017 – Moab KOA, UT

“We drove on Historic Route 66 the whole way from New Mexico. I felt like such a hippie. Oklahoma is humid and hot.” (me) – Elk City KOA, OK

The KOAs

“The first camping trip since we moved back to NC. We were reminded very quickly on our first night, that we can no longer camp in the summer in NC. The heat, humidity and bugs made it impossible to be outside or have a pleasant campfire. (…) We hiked, we napped, I wrote, we read and it’s been fun to do something else than be in the house.” (me) – Holly Point Campground, Falls Lake, NC

“After getting the pup situated, I checked in with the campground host. I then delivered firewood to friends (…). It’s cold and rainy, so we did hot dogs and beans on the stove. It was a delicious dinner.” (Aa.) – November 2018 – Camping with friends in Hanging Rock State Park, NC

The food gets a different dimension out there 

“The site we have is right on Smith Mountain Lake. (…) It’s been great to look at this huge lake, hear the geese and crickets sing their song, hear the waves splash the shore when a boat goes by, see the huge fish jump out of the water for a sip of real air. (…) Surely every trip is a lesson and a memory for both of us.” (me) – August 2019 – Camping with friends in Camp Kilowatt, Union Hall, VA

People buy campers for various reasons. Some buy them to have them as their home. We bought ours to find peace in The Rockies. Off the grid. When we moved back East, the landscape, the weather did not allow for the same wilderness and getting-lost-ness that we had experienced in The West. It was time to say goodbye. And we did. This week. We’re left full of longing, but happy that we had these four years of learning and communing with nature in a way you can’t do from your couch.

Good bye, Pup! We both hope you can make many more people 

feel at home and safe, like you did with us!  

Never understood whether the rainbow starting in my home was supposed to be a good omen or not: Driving back East to NC we drove for a whole day into a downpour which became a tornado at one point. As we were getting closer, the rainbow dumped into our Pup. At that time, with the Utah house sold and the NC one not bought yet, The Pup was our only home. 

12 Years in Love

I can remember that first call like it was yesterday. Your dad called around 9 AM on April 29, 2008 and called me “aunt” for the first time. It was surreal. I could say that was the day I knew I was irreparably in love forever, but that would not be accurate. I was in love with you since I knew you were created! Way, way before you made your appearance into the world, surprisingly early. By about two months, to be exact. A desperate and hopeless love that nothing in the world could ever shake. 

On this very special day, I now look back and remember these past 12 years ... 

You beat all the odds in those first days in the hospital and came home earlier than anyone expected it. You ate, and laughed, and demanded, and grew pretty much without a concern that you were early and you had to chill to make up for some time. You plowed right on through, head first, towards life, without fear or reservation! Just with infinite courage and gusto. 

You visited more countries in your first two years of life than I visited in my first twenty! You crossed The Atlantic, and drove almost the entire Eastern seaboard of the US. You scraped your knees, and played, and ate, and learned, and grew some more … 

Then, you got to became a big brother. After the couple of so months of feeling left out, maybe, you learned fast how to manage that competition. And you decided it was not a competition at all. You learned to love and protect your little brother pretty much like everyone hoped, only more. 

Then, there came the Lego phase. And then the Skylander phase. Then the boy scout phase, and the fishing and camping one (I hope these last ones stick around for a while!). Now, the Harry Potter one! And it goes on ... 

You somehow figured out almost instinctively how to unconditionally love people, animals and the environment. You are always willing to go the extra mile to support those you love and to be kind to those in need.  I will never forget how, with your brother, you donated your money to the Australian fires. Before then, when you were wee big, you stopped in the middle of the street to pick up a doll for a little girl who had dropped it. Your empathy only grew with you … 

We have watched you grow, and become this amazing human being, considerate, kind, incredibly talented with an uncanny patience to learn and evolve.Yet, still a child. Still innocent and full of life.  

Who would have thought that that baby, so little he could fit in almost two large palms will one day teach himself how to write music and computer programs? That he would teach himself how to cook and install and troubleshoot software for anyone, including his teachers? That he would want to learn how to do complicated magic tricks, and stone carve, do woodworking, and even knit? Your qualities are many and I love you for them all. But if I had to pick one thing that amazes me always about you is your insatiable curiosity. I hope you keep that forever, sweet boy! 

Through it all, through all your maturity and savviness, you remained this beautiful, wide-eyed kid, that busted up his head a year or so ago, and twisted an ankle. You say cute things now like “Thank you for creating me in creative mode” and “maybe my manners are now in quarantine, too.” Now, we chat on Discord and Facebook messenger and you write me beautiful cards for my birthday. You draw beautifully and you sold your first poster. All this seems surreal, too. I still want to somewhere find that little helpless baby, born 12 years ago, and although I can still see him in your eyes and smile, that baby is long gone. You’re what I call a “real human” now.  

Now, more than the first day when I knew you existed, and even more than the day you were born, I love and cherish you and thank God you’re in our lives! For everything you are, and everything you have given us. 

Thank you for the many memories, Mr. Patrick. Thank you for teaching us how to discover the world with you. Thank you for making me an aunt. And more than anything, thank you for the laughs! I cannot imagine what the next 12 years will bring us (I would not even dare), but my curiosity is as big as yours to find out! 

Happiest of birthdays, my love! Many hugs, sweet buddy, and infinite love from the USA! 

Full Circle: 10 Years.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” (Dr. Seuss)

They tell you you should do something special for your anniversaries. And we surely tried to plan something special for our 10 year anniversary. But life and COVID19 got in the way and our trip to the Old Country got canceled. But something special we are doing. Something memorable and unique: surely we will never forget our first ever celebration in confinement, at home, with stores all closed to the point we couldn’t even buy each other gifts, and with the flower man delivering flowers with surgical gloves on. What a hoot! A story to tell our nephews, if they should ever forget … 

I can’t even begin to tell you about what a wild ride these ten years have been! We’ve had it all, as life is such a party… Enumerating everything we’ve been through, all the storms and triumphs, feels like maybe cheapening the beauty of all that has been … More than anything else, I want to remember these ten years as the best part of my life. The part where I grew and finally matured. The part where I truly became whole. The part where I gave all that I could give from a deep, deep place in my heart. 

I never believed in truly happy marriages before. I knew some couples, very few, in my life that came close, but true happiness, so much of it that it stops your breathing, I thought a product of imagination of really gifted writers. But I was humbled and blessed with this man in my life who gave me that and much more during these amazing years.

If I have one advice for anyone (should anyone be looking for it) about what a true happy partnership is, having learned what I have learned in the past 10 years, I would say this: figure out who you are. Figure out who you are, and what you are about. Figure out who you are when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re enraged, and when you’re at peace. Figure out who you are when things are easy and when they are hard. Figure out who you are when you cry and when you laugh the hardest. Then, find the person who makes you be the best of you in every situation, every day, always. The person that brings nothing but the best you to the table. Every. Day. In. Every. Situation. No matter how good, or how bad. Then, you’re a winner. 

Happy anniversary, babe! Thank you for letting me do me every second of the past 315,569,220 seconds of our lives. I can only hope you feel the same … Looking forward to many, many more open and closed spaces with you … 

***

The past 10 years have been like a boomerang for us, location-wise: our together-journey started 10 years ago today in Greensboro, NC. That year we moved away to Utah for most of our years together. Today, we are sitting across from each other in our living room in Pittsboro, NC. Full circle, indeed ... 

In-between those locations, we traveled a lot. Because travel is what we do that makes us both happy. We never took it for granted, but we don't, more so today than ever. 

Today, we are home. Today, we travel through the memories we made in these past 10 years. Here’s a look at the past 10 anniversaries where our freedom was a little bit less confined:

April 2011: Bryce Canyon, UT: we got to our hotel (Ruby's) almost at midnight to find out they were still closed for the winter season, and not open quite yet for the summer season. Although ... we had booked it online the week before. Luckily, the Best Western across the street was open. 

2012: Pojorata, Romania: this is the backyard of where I grew up in the Moldovan Carpathians. I was dying for us to go hike that mountain behind our house, but we were there for 4 days and it rained non-stop. Aa. got really sick, too. 

2013: Zion National Park, UT: We hiked the Zion Canyon trail not knowing there are portions of the trail missing. We had to cross skinny metal bridges that bridged the rocks with hundreds of feet of abyss below us to come up to this view of the Zion Mt. Carmel road below.

2014: Las Vegas, NV: We spent some time in Vegas and we were not alone. My sister came along for the ride. 

2015: London, the UK: We spent our fifth anniversary in London. We loved The Westminster Abbey the best, but the gin and the tea and the food were amazing, too. We loved it so much, we wanted to go see all the isles for our 10th anniversary, but ... 

2016: Utah Lake, UT: I was only two months away from my open-heart surgery this year, so we could not go far from home. But we went shooting (Canons, not rifles) around this gorgeous lake as nature was waking up and snow was melting ... 

2017: Moab, UT: We spent our anniversary weekend in one of our favorite national parks with dear friends who were visiting us from NC. Now, we are almost neighbors, living in the same small town, since we moved back to NC ourselves. 

2018: Chapel Hill, NC: we chased one of our favorite chefs, Brandon Sharp, from CA to NC, as he relocated here, after we moved back. Dinner at The Carolina Inn. (Brandon now has his own restaurant in Chapel Hill and our dinner tonight comes from him, too). 

2019: Charleston, SC: Magnolia Plantation was a dream. Humidity, marshes, Spanish moss, live oaks - we are back in the South and my heart is happy still. 

2010: Greensboro, NC: We lit this candle on our wedding day. I can only hope and pray that we continue to keep it burning just as bright as then for many, many, many more Aprils to come. Help me do that, babe! Happy 10th! Much love! 

From My Sister, on April 9th

Whatever I wanted to blog about today pales in comparison to the most thoughtful letter I got from my sis. 
Love you, A., forever and ever ... 

From my sister on my birthday:

I wanted to write a blog for my sister’s birthday since for the past year she wrote one blog for every person in our family’s birthday and I figure it’s not fair to have wonderful blog posts with such kind and heartwarming thoughts for every person and not for her in our family. I don’t know if I have the same skills as she has in blogging, especially in English, but I’ll try my best. 

Ever since I can remember, she was there. Now, you know your first memories, fuzzy and all unclear, coming back in bits and pieces, in emotions and smells. I’ve never been able to clearly dissociate in my mind which person appeared in my very first memory, my mother, my father, my grandmother, my grandfather, our nanny or even my grand-grandmother as they were all there in my first years taking care of us. But I guess it was her as she was always there, in all those bits of images and pictures scattered in my memory. 

I used to see her like kind of me, a child, but so much older and wiser! Somebody that I can look up to, I can follow, I can copy! Sometimes too bossy and annoying, sometimes so loving and caring, but so comforting that she was there.

I remember her curly thick black hair that everybody admired and I was so jealous of, her white skin and red cheeks, I used to see her like Snow White! Because she was the one telling me stories, introducing me to Snow White, Red Riding Hood or Cinderella. 

I remember that moment, many years later in my teenage years when we were all alone in a summer student seaside camp and stayed up on the beach to see the sunrise over the Black Sea and, like in childhood, she began to tell me princess stories. I have my life moments that I like to cherish forever and like to encapsulate in a magic box and that particular one is definitely one of them. I remember that sense of peace, of perfection of being loved and cared for. I was the little sister away from home and needing comforting. No one can tell stories like she can! Two years ago we watched again together the sunrise over the Atlantic Ocean, we always chase that special moment, I guess, that we shared so many years before and I hope we can chase many more from now on. 

She taught me how to write and read. She always took her role as a big sister very seriously. I didn’t dare not listen. And still she was the first one I could exercise my rebellious nature with. Was much easier than with adults, haha.

I remember how I envied her good grades, her work ethic, her perseverance. Despite her challenges, her health that was never perfect, she was brave and she worked twice as hard as others. That’s maybe why she expects much of others too. I remember feeling lucky that I was not the one inheriting the highest cholesterol in the family and condemned forever not to be able to enjoy life to the fullest, but at the same time I felt guilty. But also I felt in awe about all her accomplishments and how she approached this terrible, condemning and limiting disease. She taught me how to approach pain, suffering, life in general, with that stubbornness and courage.

She was born to be the big sister, the leader. The one with her head on her shoulders and feet firmly on the ground, the practical one, able to repair a car if she puts her mind to it, the one with answers to every question and solution to every problem. I was not always listening but I found myself later forced to recognize she was right all along.

I remember the good times, family vacations, discovering life together, reading philosophy till late at night, debating Cioran and Eliade, doing homework side by side, discovering The Doors or Led Zep, crying at Schindler’s List, going up the mountains and walking the beaches, visiting Europe and later US and Canada together.

Realizing together the greatness of life, the beauty of this Earth, sharing our passion for travelling and nature. Making plans together, waiting for life to happen.

Remembering falling asleep with Dolly, our cat, between the two of us, purring. The mornings I woke up early and she would sleep till later. The week-end morning coffees on the balcony, lazy vacation days painting our toe nails and watching MTV UK. We were different and so completing each other. Her constant chatter about everything and everybody, me listening. How I missed all that when she left the country.

In my final French exam in high school they asked me to talk about a person or a personality that I most admire. Could be Ghandi, Einstein, Jeanne d’Arc, a family member or a rock star. I talked about my sister.  I could just not think about someone else I admire more. I was in awe at 3 years old when I opened my eyes to the world, still in awe at 18, although sometimes in our teenage years we threw ourselves in terrible fights. We just knew we loved each other so much, no matter what.

Then we parted ways. She left Romania at 22. She was so brave and so daring, she chased her dreams, even though frightening. First time in my life I could feel true anxiety for I felt like a part of myself was all alone wandering in another part of the world. She was this this small fragile looking young girl, trying to build a life in a strange land, away from everybody and everything she knew until then. But if anyone can make it out there in the wild world, than this would be my strong willed, good sense, courageous sister.

And I started to miss her so much. She used to write long e-mails that I would print and read to our relatives. My grandma was always crying while I read and I felt sometimes I was grasping for air. We wished we were there with her, I’m sure she went through rough times, terrible loneliness, health problems and we were so far away.

Life was kinder at some point and she met her wonderful husband, I moved to Canada so we were a little bit closed, I had my 2 sons and discovered an incredibly loving and caring auntie in her!

And then she had the heart surgery, I remember I could not even speak or think clearly in the days before the surgery without feeling like it’s not enough air to breathe. That fear, the impossible thoughts. And still I was confident that she will fight this like she fought all her battles in her life. She fought tooth and nail since she was little, fiercely, the odds, the disease, the genetics, anyone and anything. And sure enough she made it through and she continues the fight, day after day.

That’s probably one of the most important lessons I learned from her, to fight and to be brave, to take full advantage of the good things.  

I have been starting this blog, although I don’t have a blog, a while ago beginning, of March or so. In another time, another world it seems. The world now on April 8 is so much different than the world on March 6, at least my world, my reality, my day to day as probably is for pretty much everyone else. Now we’re in the middle of a pandemic.

I was thinking though that my sister somehow, again, prepared me for these terrible times . Not only that she always was a germophobe and always trying to make me aware that I should be careful in the airports, in the airplanes, in hotels, pretty much everywhere and stop touching everything (hey I’m the little sis, I still need to touch everything!). Not only that I need to always plan for worst but hope for the better, but probably the most important lesson was not to ever take the life and the health for granted. It is so precious, so fragile. Not to forget to stop and appreciate the sunbeam in the morning, the cat purring, the crisp air of the mountains, the bird singing and the sunrise over the sea. Not to forget to be there for our loved ones. Year after year, even though she is far away, even when she had heart surgery, she sends handwritten cards, she sends gifts to the whole family, to friends. Never missed one Christmas, never missed one Easter, never missed one birthday, never missed one March 8 or St Patrick lately, never missed one anniversary. Because yes, that’s important! Life is important, celebrating and cherishing it is so important, so precious. You actually can enjoy this precious gift one day and lose it tomorrow, so fast.

So thank you sis for all the great lessons you taught me ever since I can’t remember!

I love you so much and hope you’ll have a wonderful birthday!

O parte din noi ...

"Doar o matusa poate sa te imbratiseze ca o mama, sa pastreze un secret ca o sora, si sa iti daruiasca dragoste ca un prieten adevarat ..."

Nu mi-aduc aminte de vreo perioada in viata familiei noastre cand matusa mea, Rodi, nu a facut parte din ea. De la botezuri, la nunti, la mormantari, si pana la zile importante din viata noastra ca absolvirea liceului sau a facultatii – a fost mereu langa noi. Viata ei si a familiei noastre au fost mereu impletite in acelasi univers intim.  

O prezenta constanta, e prima care se gandeste la un cadou de ziua ta, de Ziua Femeii, de Craciun, de “Iepuras”, de … chestie. E prima care sa se gandeasca sau sa intrebe daca ai nevoie de bani, sau de alt fel de ajutor -  financiar, moral, umanitar, de orice fel. Daca nu se anunta ca si voluntar ea insasi, coordineaza ajutor din multele resurse pe care numai ea le cunoaste. E cea mai concreta si stabila sursa de ajutor, de empatie si de calm pe care o avem in familie. Constanta si consecventa ei sunt neschimbate de cand o stiu, si banuiesc ca si inainte …   

Iubitoare de frumos, ne-a invatat importanta proverbului “haina face pe om”. De o eleganta fizica impecabila, ne-a binecuvantat cu multe daruri peste ani, pe care le pretuim si acum si le vom pretui mereu: arta, bijuterii, obiecte rare si cu semnificatie sentimentala pentru familia noastra.

Desi pastrez toate darurile pe care le-a impartasit peste ani, materiale si mai putin materiale, cu drag si pretuire, cel mai frumos dar pe care mi l-a facut a fost poate excursia in Turcia pe care mi-a daruit-o la absolvirea facultatii si in care am mers impreuna. Desi am vazut multe tari de atunci, aceasta excursie ramane totusi in sulfet pentru mine cea mai frumoasa surpriza si Turcia ramane pana azi cel mai frumos taram din cate mi-a fost dat sa vad. Si experienta aceasta unica nu s-ar fi intamplat fara imaginatia si daruirea ei.

Una din cele mai frumoase experiente si amintiri cu Rodi - la cumparaturi in magazine de bijuterii (in Turcia, 1997)

In Troia, Turcia, 1997

 Am mostenit de la ea, cred, dragostea de calatorii si acea excursie a deschis usa multor calatorii in lume de mai apoi. Asa cum multi care calatoresc cu parintii sau rudele apropiate stiu, e o relatie intima si sacra care se formeaza sau se intareste in apropierea unei astfel de drumetii. Cand imi e dor mai mult de ea, ma gandesc la excursia noastra in Turcia si ma simt mai putin singura si mai mult intarita de puterea  apropierii dintre noi

Azi implineste o varsta frumoasa, rotunda, si asa cum face orice in viata ei, o intampina cu gratie si clasa.

La multi ani, scumpa noastra! Multa sanitate si multi, multi ani de bucurii, putere si calatorii inainte. Si sa ne bucuri multa vreme cu prezenta ta calma, de serenitate si dragoste nesfarsita si neconditionata. Te iubim!

To My Love, with All My Heart ...

He’s patient and kind.

He makes me laugh the loudest (sorry, dad!) and he dries away my tears so often …

He wraps my wounds and heals me …

He writes, he draws, he plays music, he cooks, he cleans, he makes pictures and woodworking …

He loves to drive and eat … A lot.

He loves ice-cream, squirrels, birds, kitties, and pups, and he loves me – but I am not sure where in this hierarchy I fall. It doesn’t matter – I am honored to be in the hierarchy at all …

He is as tough as nails and as soft as jell-o ... 

He can take more than anyone I know and he has the most tender heart ... 

To most people, he is the most serious man alive, and to me – he is the biggest joker there ever was …

We talk about computers, “brilliant code”, English, foreign languages, geography, politics, books, where our next adventure will be, our day-to-day boring lives, picture-taking, decorating, building homes … and the list can go on forever …

He’s my best friend, the human that I spend the most time with, the first thought I have in the morning, the last one as I slip into the night …

I am still in awe that two humans who grew up so differently, in such remote corners of the planet could finally meet and click so much. That two such humans can be so alike in the same weird ways …

I am humbled every day that he shares his life with me.

I never believed in the meaning of ‘forever’ till I met him … He fills my heart, my senses, my every day …

If there is one thing I hate about this man is that I did not meet him sooner ... 

There is no amount of words that I can string together to tell you more about him. None of them would do him justice …

I put this video together to celebrate his craziness and quirks, his sweetness and sass, and to amuse him and all who know him. I hope this worked.

I love you, babe! Today more than always before…

To My Brother-In-Law

My brother-in-law came into our family some 24 years ago or so … He was 17 at the time. He has grown up with us, and we have gotten older with him. To say that he feels more like a blood relative than an in-law is an understatement.

Although we’ve had our differences, we’ve made so many beautiful memories together – beach trips, parties, weddings, and baptisms, family visits – a lifetime. Today, on his birthday, these memories are all coming back. They make me smile, they make me laugh out loud, and sometimes make me shake my head and grin, too ... 

The memories that are the dearest to me are those where I felt like, despite any difference of opinion (what would families be without those, eh?!), we have all let our guard down and we embraced each other as true relatives, branches on the same family tree. Those are the moments when I know he’s gotten our back and I hope he knows we’ve got his - no matter what …

There were beach trips in Romania where I watched the love between him and my sister bud and grow; there were nights in clubs as we were all experiencing our younger years – he is has always been a good companion for any kind of fun-having activity. Then, there were the Canada – US years where I watched him and my sister become parents and grow into wonderful, well-rounded adults.

His mainstay in our family has always been strong and my sister’s reliance on him constant … Their love always there, unfettered. It is an understatement to say that this family would not be the same without him. 

Happy birthday, my friend! Happy new year of life and may we make ever so many more memories going forward together. Love having you in this family! Truly.

"When he was little and I was young" - this is how far back we go: cca 1996-1997

For Kevin

Dear Kevin, 

I have known I loved you since way before you were born. Maybe even before you were even in your mami’s tummy! Way before that cold February day, when I was driving down I-15 (aka “The Interstate of Death”) from Salt Lake City in Utah when your grandma, nani, called me to tell me you had arrived. I had come to Canada about 2 weeks before that day to witness your arrival in person. But nope, you wanted no visitors, nor witnesses. You pretty much arrived, I was told, when your mami was virtually all alone in the hospital room. And to this day, you can do without an audience.

9 years later you’ve become this bundle of energy and laughter that no one saw coming. Everyone who knows you says they cannot resist you anything. You charm, you lure, you seduce, you break hearts. Already. And we all fall like flies under your spell …

Why do we love you?! Let me count the reasons, our sweet Kev-Kev: we love your brains - you are the family’s whiz in math, no matter how much you’d fight it: you’re the only one who figures out math brain twisters; we love your thirst for knowledge as you read non-stop and  you play games beyond your years; and, boy, do we love how even being the littlest of us all doesn’t faze you: you keep all of us in line: no party, no noise, no people, no presents! We love your heart – one of the most beautiful things about you: your love, care and respect of the animals and the planet. Your kindness to other kids less fortunate than you, your kindness to all creatures that cannot help themselves. I hope your dream to have a bunny and kitty farm one day will become true. I want to help with that!

My favorite memories with you are many, but I wanted to leave just one note here about one of the funniest, more memorable things you said recently. You tell us all the time you love us, and we thank you for that huge, unconditional gift. This is a recent exchange of affection between you and your mami:

Your mom: Kevin, I love you more.
You: I love YOU more than you love me more.
Your mom: That’s not possible.
You: That is very super possible, because I am a possible man. And I am a legendary weapon of love.

We can never love you back enough, sweet boy! May you always believe that anything is “very super possible”, and may you grow into a beautiful young man from the special (still) boy you are today.  

Happiest of birthdays today and I hope it involves ribs, at some point. Or soon!

“Keepers of the Light”

Try as you may, you can never predict history. You can live it, help write it, learn it, and try as hard as you can to not repeat it. Or maybe some history does beg repeating …

22 years ago last month, on January 19, 1998, I flew to America in search of a new home. I was looking for a better life, opportunities, respect for who I am and for freedom. Nowadays, I sometimes find myself asking if it was all worth it. For the most part, I got most of it. But some things are starting to look like they might turn into the bad, haunting history I left behind … But I can’t despair. I am keeping the light burning in the belief that one day America will again be that beautiful place that was once promised … bountiful, but mostly respectful for all.

Regardless of how kind or not America has been to me in the past 22 years, I always celebrate this anniversary. I celebrate that wild spirit, that courage of a single young woman to want to build a life as she wished she should live it. I usually take a trip which is my favorite present to myself for any occasion. This year the trip was to The Outer Banks of North Carolina and to Manteo. 

It was cold. It was so cold, in fact, that one day it snowed. But it was beautiful! Mountains will forever be my soul’s heaven, but the tranquility of the water is magical too. The richness it hides, the pulsating life … The sunsets are as glorious here as they are in the mountains, for very different reasons …

Mountains make me speechless. Water makes me think.

Although we drove and walked in many a cities during this trip, we found good food and great parks, my favorite spots were The Elizabethan Gardens in Manteo, and the drive all the way down to Cape Hatteras. That’s one of those journeys to “the end of the world.” For us, there was a sun dipping in the water on that end, and we felt like the world was over right then and there and for good. A sort of breathtaking desperation you feel in the pit of your chest when the sun just melts in the water. Will it ever know how to float?!  

Enjoy the picture journey of this trip by clicking the shot below. And in case you’re wondering: I would do it in a heartbeat, again, even knowing what I know now … In the end, it was mostly worth it than not …

Thoughts, Travels, Pictures of 2019

I reckon this is just as good a year as any to close out a decade. A decade of us being together. A decade of fortune, loss, sickness, birth, happiness, and sadness, too. A decade of all the things human, fortunes we don’t dare talk about out loud for fear we might jinx ourselves, and a decade of learning so much about each other, our families, our worlds that sometimes it hurts. Mostly it hurts with pleasure.

This past year had everything. Love, hatred, bounty, loss, much of that, work changes. Heck, we even saw a ghost! It continued a streak of bad news started a few years ago, but God and life have also been merciful and giving, peppering our journey with friends, loving family, love, in general, good news here and there. And as always, it gave us travels. Many beautiful trails to pick from and journeys that we’ll cherish for a lifetime. 

From the bald peaks of The Rockies, through deserts and through the dark green Smokies all the way to the emerald Atlantic and beyond, we hiked, we listened to music, we met new people and tightened the bonds with old friends, we saw family and somewhere in there we found time for work, too … But as important as work might be, this is not what we’re taking with us to our deathbed. All the other stuff is what …

This is about remembering this old year… 

…. we started out the year learning about the passing of a dear aunt of mine. She lost her battle with some rotten form of leukemia because of a stupid cold. She was always a fighter and had such a spirit! The year continued with much loss of people – not close to me, but close to people I knew. Lots of sickness, too, from people close and far from us physically and otherwise … There is just so much pain in this world …

We also learned about my mom’s cancer coming back and we stood by her side, from far and close, with bated breath, through her chemo treatments which lasted most of the year. It was not easy, to say the very least. My sister and I went together for the first time in 10 years to see her, to touch her, to learn … As hard as this was, it was also good. For us. For mom. For taking it all in and building some perspective. But this was not till May-June, so I skip ahead...

Before then, we visited Richmond, VA, met family in Chesapeake, VA, we spent a weekend tasting good foods and bonding with old and new friends in Kinston, NC in early spring. There are so many corners of magic and wonder all around us, if you only open the door to let them peek in … 

Come April, we wandered about Charleston, SC. We stayed downtown and walked pretty much everywhere. We walked the lush grounds of the Magnolia Plantation and the marshes of Sullivans Island. We ate every seafood seen on this planet and came back full of Southern history and amazing pictures. April is just a perfect month for Charleston. 

We spent probably the coldest May on record while we explored New Mexico and Colorado. We visited Taos, NM, and Denver, Colorado Springs, and Breckenridge in Colorado. We tried to drive up Pike’s Peak in Colorado Springs, which was on my bucket list since I was a teenager back in Romania with no prospects of ever seeing it. Who would have expected a thick snow storm in mid-May?! That prevented us to go past the 10,000 ft mark. We got lost in the desert in Taos, NM amazed by art, old Native culture, delicious Southwestern cuisine, and even more art … If I were to pick one trip that we took this year to do it again soon, this would definitely be it. 

Back to my trip to Romania, my sister and I also saw The Pope come to our Romanian hometown while we were there … Now, that is not something we planned for, but more of being in the right place at the right time sort of luck … The skies opened up with glorious sunshine when he started speaking, after several days of gruesome rain and hail storms … Maybe a sign of hope for us all ... 

We spent a couple of weekends in the North Carolina mountains, around Blowing Rock, Grandfather Mountain, Boone, and Banner Elk. 

We spent the summer months taking in all the foods and events around our area – Durham, Raleigh, Chapel Hill, Pittsboro. There is just so much to see and do around here … Food halls, wine, beer, and even mead festivals, rooftop bars, lots of live music, small and big ticket concerts, lots of farms. Everything … If only we had all the time to do and see it all.. 

We camped on the shores of Smith Mountain Lake in VA and rounded up our winery visits for the year in that area, too, towards the end of summer. 

We visited Highlands, NC in early fall to see what the fuss was all about in that sweet mountain town. I swear there is not one issue of Our State magazine that doesn’t mention it. It’s like a fantasy village, complete with cobblestone streets and a trickling stream that runs through it. 

We walked the streets of Greensboro, NC for two days listening to the music of The Folk Festival and sampling the local food, and again bonding with old friends … Greensboro will forever feel like my one of many homes to me … I always love going back … 

We took in the history and charm of Atlanta in October, and learned many new things at the FH Summit down there. 

We closed out the year of travel in The Bahamas. We took home memories of learning about a new culture as well as the painful memory of having lost our dear kitty while stuck on a boat somewhere in The Bermuda Triangle … We came back home to rest our tired bones and mourn our sweet boy for a while … 

Most of us, close family and friends, are still here, on the right side of the dirt. And for that, and that alone, I am immensely grateful … The rest is the cherry on top.

We have built new friendships this year, and like always let old ones drift away, as life would naturally have it in its constant shifting … We are older and probably none-the-wiser, but happy we made it to almost the end of this year and decade now … I am wishing for us all to know more beauty and less pain in the new year. More acceptance and less fright. More understanding and less hatred … I wish this to us all close by and to everyone out there … 

Happy Old Year and Happy New One, too! May you always keep an open heart! 

Click the video to view our year in the rearview mirror. Many thanks to Emily Scott Robinson for the amazing background music. When all else hurts and fails, we are forever grateful for our mobility to take in the travelling mercies … 

My Lucky-Charm Cat

Gypsy: May, 2001 - November, 2019

This is the first blog I am writing in many, many years from my home, when I am not getting sidetracked by little fuzzy paws pulling at my sleeve as I type, asking me to stop and play with them; I am not getting pitter-patter feet running across my keyboard, nor kitty faces rubbing against my laptop lid, in a tireless effort to make it close. This is because for the first time in 21 years I am in my house, completely catless.

Our last kitty, Gypsy, went away to meet his two brothers over the rainbow bridge this past week. He was 9 days short of being exactly 18 and a half years. The pain of missing him is only surpassed by our regret of not being able to be there when he passed. Life wanted it other ways … But this is not about us … It’s really about him.

Gypsy  was an answer to a long, secret wish I had as a 20 some year old. Before I moved to the Bible-belt South, I never knew such hatred towards black cats. I was amazed every fall, around Halloween, how people found black cats mutilated and strangled, and drowned in bags in the river. Humanity, or lack thereof, made me sick. Although at the time I was a happy mommy of two gorgeous cats, I said to myself: “one day, I want to have a black cat! I want to love him and raise him and turn him into the most amazing, kind, gorgeous kitty so I can show all these freaks that black cats are awesome.” No sooner did I utter this wish than in two or three-week’s time, we started hearing this piercing meow under our house, coming from the crawlspace. We had a stray cat that usually came and went, and we were thinking, OK, maybe it’s in heat and she’ll stop once it’s all over. But the meow would not stop. A day became two. A night became three, and the meow continued.

One warm late May afternoon, I opened the door to the crawlspace to let the poor creature out, weary from several sleepless nights where it had kept me awake with the incessant meow-and-meow-and-meow. I was figuring it must be a huge kitty, probably hungry from days of being trapped and dying to get out. When I opened the door, the meow kept getting closer to me, so I knew the kitty found its way to the opening. Instead of a huge kitty, to match the loud meow, I saw this tiny fuzzball, easily under a pound, covered in cobwebs, one eye half closed, I thought, or just dirty with under-the-house muck, big blue eyes, and completely black walking towards me, slipping and sliding on the rotten beams we stored in the crawlspace at the time. His voice was piercing. I had never heard such a loud meow in any size of a cat, but especially in a cat small enough to fit my palm! Since the minute we made eye contact, he did not want to lose my sight! He had the most expressive face and just begged and begged for help and comfort.

I knew I had to keep him! I was absolutely smitten, and my prayer of an all-black cat was right then and there answered. I took him to the vet who thought I wanted to put him up for adoption, having just found him under the house. I was insulted. How can someone, anyone, put this kitty up for adoption?! Just look at him: eyes blue as the skies, hungry, lonely, skinny as a rail, tiny, lonely, and all he wants is some food and love. Who can put him back out there into the world with no one to his name?! He became mine, or rather I became his the first moment we locked eyes. I asked the vet to check him out, before I would bring him to my other cats, to ensure he is not carrying some odd disease. He was not. Other than being severely dehydrated and hungry, he was 100% healthy. The doctor called him “a woolly worm” and he said: “This cat has incredibly strong lungs, and that is a sure sign that he will have a long and healthy life.”

We named him Gypsy, as my mom who was then visiting suggested “kindly”. The name fit: he was independent, dark, stubborn as they come, and with no regard to anyone’s wishes but his own. He was then and he remained for the rest of his life, the baby. Me-me-me … all the way.

As a young cat, he got himself into all sorts of troubles. He chewed more wires than any other cat I had. He chewed my shoes like a dog. He was 100% nocturnal. When the sun would go down, that’s when he was wide awake and ready to play, bite your toes, lick your face, knock pictures off the walls in your bedroom, and pull your hair. He was relentless. No matter how much he got sprayed with water, he continued his shenanigans for years. He was fearless of getting in trouble. I always joked that he knew that if I saved his life, there is nothing that I could ever do to hurt him, so he was not really ever scared of any consequences. I think he was maybe 8 or 9 when I ever noticed any sign of him slowing down and maturing just a tad … He was always playful, curious and loud. With all that said, he was also the most gentle cat you ever met: he literally had no idea how to hurt anyone, but especially humans. He trusted humans more than any other cat I knew. He never bit or scratched maliciously. Ever. He was trusting and gentle.  

People will talk about cats that want to escape and want to be outside more than they want to be inside. The number one prerequisite for being my cat is that you are going to be a 100% inside cat! No arguments! I cannot risk them being eaten by some beast, or run over by cars. Gypsy never had any interest whatsoever to ever be outside. He was completely content in the house, always in the humans’ business, especially mine. He had a nervous breakdown when I was behind any closed door – he was my shadow, constantly. He wanted to be where I was and have me in his full sight. In his old days, he would pick the most strategic point in the room so he can watch me no matter where I was headed from just one spot. His big yellow eyes (they turned from blue to yellow when he matured) would follow me around like laser beams. He loved to nap with me, and sit with me as I typed on my laptop. He slept under my desk, when I worked … His eyes were intelligent and intent in everything that had to do with me. We had a bonding like I never had with any other being. This was our life for 18 years. We read together, napped together, put up the Christmas tree together, ate lunch at the kitchen island together …

Gypsy was the only one of our cats that traveled to Utah, and then made the trip back to the North Carolina woods where he was born. He came back across the country as a 16 and a half old cat, and he did superbly during that journey: sleeping all day in his carrier in the back seat of my Corolla, and sleeping at night in our camper, when we’d camp at KOAs across The Land. He never complained. He always felt safe with us, and I hope, always loved. He was.

In the two years that we have been back in NC, he has slowed down a lot. He has outlived all the cats and dogs in our families and extended network of friends. But, life took its toll and his kidney disease advanced, and he started crying incessantly again, just like when he was a kitten. His piercing meow could wake up the dead, really! You’d never know that a creature weighing only 7 pounds (or not even one when he was a kitten) could be so loud. But that voice is what saved his life.

His big voice, bright eyes, curious nature, soft as silk coat, beautiful, picture-perfect profile will stay with us forever … He was in truth my dreamed-about, picture-perfect black cat, just like I wished all those years ago. And he did show the world that a black cat can be gentle and kind and loving and sweet, as well as mischievous and naughty ... 

I am not sure how I can now move on without any kitties in the house. I really don’t know how to function with no bowls to clean, no stop in the litter aisle at the store, no special blankets around the house … no one to snuggle with when I nap in the afternoon, no purring as I fall asleep … Gypsy was my go-to kitty for all the naps I have had in the past 18 years. Fero almost never slept! And Little Kitty was way too independent to be anyone’s cat … But Gypsy was my mirror. My soul-mate, the answer to my prayer. Just like I wanted him before he ever happened under my house, I want him now, and will want him always …

Life, of course, is never endless … He was called to the other side to maybe make other souls as happy as he’s made us.

We’ll miss you more than you know, little guy. We’ll mourn and ache for you for a long, long time, and we pray that you’ll forgive us one day for not holding your paw when you crossed that bridge. We were, and I know you knew – but just not in person. Sleep well, and wander free – enchant other worlds as you so plentifully did ours.

With a bleeding, aching heart, your momma loves you, and Mr. Aa., too …